In The Year Two Thousaaaaand...

It occurred to me last week that I inadvertently took the piss out of Full Moon. So this week I decided to pull one of Charlie Band's offerings off the pile, a very cheap looking cassette containing Danny Draven's (I still can't believe that is an actual IRL name) 2001 sci-fi flick Horrorvision.

A screenwriter turned smut dealer named Dez (Len Cordova) discovers a website that incites visitors to commit random acts of violence. After losing his girlfriend, Dez joins up with a mysterious dude named Bradbury (James Black) to track down the source.

First off, I popped in the tape and this was the first time in my entire life that the preview trailer was for the same movie that I was just about to fucking watch! Anyway, much like how Dr. Giggles recalled memories of the nineties, Horrorvision is so fucking 2000's it hurts. Everything from the music and fx to the references to “Quicktime” & “Powerbooks” to cyberpunk tattoos. And I mean, a tattoo that literally says Cyberpunk. To be honest, this movie would be painful, if it wasn't so delightfully cheesy.

Brinke Stevens' brief appearance at the hop has her talking shop with Dez and I was reminded of what internet porn looked like before the 'Hub. Additionally, before the demise of Dez's squeeze, we got a scene inside LA's Dark Delicacies which was a hoot. I'm clutching at things here because a lot of this movie was montages to use the tunes they paid for, and discount bin versions of better stuff. Bradbury is clearly wish Morpheus, sashaying though sprinklings of Brainscan and Hardware. It often left me wondering...

When Dez turns on the TV in a hotel room, we see snips of Arcade and The Dead Next Door, at which point I kind of wished I was watching either of those two. The latter's appearance made sense because Horrorvision was a joint venture between Full Moon & Tempe, of whom Door's director JR Bookwalter was the big cheese. I do have to admit that the fact he and Band collaborated put a smile on my face. But, it could also be that it was this scene that the robots showed up.

Awww... who's this little guy!

I can't really deny that Horrorvision is low rent trash, but I did appreciate it had - apart from said robot effects - one saving grace in the film's final moments when Bradbury explains that it was all the vitriol and hatred being spewed online that caused the Internet to become sentient. How incredibly prophetic! I mean, not the sentient part - that'll come... if we're lucky - but just the idea of social media sowing our downfall. Remember when we were afraid of technology? 

M is for Murder by Phone (1982)

This was another title I was compelled to watch after attending Trailer Trash at the Revue.

Someone is murdering people with sound frequencies through the phone lines, but Professor Nat Bridger (Richard Chamberlain) is on the case.

This movie is loads of fun and another delightful piece of CanCon. Much like Deadly Eyes (released the same year), it's a treat to pick out of all the Toronto locations used in this film. 

The cast is solid, with tons of veterans like John Houseman & Barry Morse, as well as some local talent in Gary Reineke (RJ from Rituals). Even Lenore Zann shows up for a scene or two in between her stints in Happy Birthday To Me and American Nightmare. Sara Botsford (star of Deadly Eyes) was the one who caught my eye the most though. She's billed as “Introducing” in this so it wasn't surprising to find this was actually shot in 1980 and then released two years later. That would explain why she looks (at least to me) visibly older in Eyes than she does here.

You know, it's quite interesting how many things this movie shares with Deadly Eyes. In addition to the locale, Botsford and also James B. Douglas, both protagonists are teachers, both have sequences in subway stations, and both have lengthy machinations about how to trace a phone call... Oh wait, that was Black Christmas, scratch that last one. 

Moving on, kudos to the filmmakers for not practicing false advertising, as many people in this do, indeed, get murdered by phone. Quite spectacularly I might add. It is also fortuitous that when they are fried by said phone, they're also catapulted through the nearest glass object.

Seriously, this movie does not skimp on the phones, it has every type of phone known to man here. If phone fetishism exists, this must be the Holy Grail. It even cycles through them all again during the end credits. Also, useless phone facts. Did you know that by the year 2000, there will be 1.4 trillion phones in the world?  I call bullshit on that one, unless you count all the iPhones in landfills and junk drawers.

Anyhoops, the best thing about Alphabet Slop so far is I am finding some real gems that may have taken me a lot longer to find otherwise.

The Wave of the Future.

It was twenty-five years ago that I sat in a theatre and watched Rachel Talalay's Ghost in the Machine so I figured now was as good a time as any for a revisit to see how much I actually remembered.

After a serial killer's consciousness is digitized after a power surge, he uses to the city's computer network to continue stalking his victims.

I was surprised at how much of this I had forgotten. While I admit a chunk of my enjoyment was down to how dated this movie was, Ghost in the Machine was still highly entertaining. It is comical how nineties this thing is. Let's go down the checklist, shall we?

Include a “hip” soundtrack from the era. Uh-huh.

Dress your “cool” characters as garishly as possible. Yessir.

The Fresh Prince of Encino.

Put as much “new” tech in it as possible. Oh, that's a bingo!

This movie falls into that time period where hackers were still mythical-like creatures that could do anything and computer networks were a fantasy land with no boundaries. If you thought Lawnmower Man played it fast and loose with computers, you ain't seen nothing yet. Actually, films like Brainscan and Arcade pair up better with this one... except this has a digital serial killer!

Straight Outta Motherfuckin' Toontown!

I think the most amusing thing about this movie – and there are many – is that they really do throw out any notion of how electronic devices actually work. However, I'm more than willing to forget an open microwave can't irradiate an entire room if it means I get to see a dude fry like a TV dinner care of some pretty neat f/x from Alterian Studios. If you need to see the dichotomy between practical and digital effects, you need to look no further than this movie.

That VR game played by Josh (Wil Horneff) & Frazer (Brandon Adams from People Under The Stairs who I totally spaced was in this). Wow. I remember I played this thing at the CNE one year, except of course, without my face superimposed on my avatar. It is still amazing to me that VR was a working concept in 1993 and yet only became commercially viable just last year. It's crazy how some advances are blisteringly fast and some putter along.

Watching Ghost in the Machine, I was struck by how much it felt like a precursor to Final Destination. The crash lab sequence in particular played out like it could've been pulled from one of those movies.

I also want to bring up that I've always really liked star Karen Allen. I was thinking about it and because of the age I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark and Starman (the latter would've been one of my first theatre experiences), Allen may have played two of the first independent female characters I saw represented onscreen. She made an impression.

Who wore it better? Terry Munroe (Karen Allen), or Dana Scully?

And speaking of Allen, I gotta mention a cinematic parallel I always found funny that just recently became a trifecta. Karen Allen starred in Starman and Ghost in the Machine and both feature her in driving scenes involving the perils of a changing traffic light. Then, last month when I watched 1988's Pulse about a sentient intelligence killing people in their homes with electricity; what appears on the television within the movie? Starman!

Though incredibly dated, Ghost in the Machine was a totally functional thriller and though I'm sure filmmakers didn't want me to be grinning through most of it, I had fun. Sadly, this was the second of three critical and commercial failures for Talalay (Freddy's Dead & Tank Girl), but she soldiered on and has since enjoyed a highly successful career in television that continues to this day.

Ain't Technology Grand?

I had a sudden computer issue yesterday that prevented me from doing my usual news post, but I'm back online now and will be getting you back to your regularly scheduled programming shortly.

Insidious Rift.

Yesterday, I finally got to experience something I've been excited about for a few years now - the Oculus Rift. Previously only available to developers, it's been popping up in public demonstrations over the last year or so. I sadly missed out on the Game of Thrones “Climb the Wall” bit last year, but when I heard that there was a demo tied into the release of the new Insidious flick (hitting screens today) running downtown, I made sure I gave it a whirl.

Not me, though I do own that shirt.

After finding the booth, signing the waiver(!) and sitting into a comfy, black chair, I donned the goggles and headphones and away I went. When I first heard about the tech, I was concerned about its practical functionality. How heavy was this thing? If I were to have a six/eight/ten-hour gaming marathon, how would my neck fare to having this thing strapped to my head all that time? Also, this whole device will be completely moot, if I couldn't wear my glasses with it.

After putting it on, I was immediately glad to find that the Oculus was extremely lightweight, to the point I hardly noticed I was wearing it. The goggles also fit on my face quite nicely, allowing room for my glasses, yet also still covering my entire field of vision. 

Once I was in the experience, I immediately saw the appeal in practice. It's one thing to think of VR as a concept, but one thing to be actually sitting across a table from Lin Shaye in a dusty living room. 

Afternoon tea in the Further.

I had a legitimate 'wow' moment when I turned my head and saw the rest of the room behind me. The idea of a full three-sixty environment didn't really sink in until that moment.

I was impressed to say the least. With the consumer versions of these products, the Oculus and the Sony's Morpheus set to release in 2016, I say it's about time! After waiting twenty-plus years, the future is finally upon us.

Lawnmower Man (1992), Arcade (1993) & TV's V.R.5 (1995)