In addition to the usual reviews and comments you would find on a horror movie blog, this is also a document of the wonderfully vast horror movie section of the video store I worked at in my youth.

Saturday, November 9, 2019

The Doctor Is In!

Danny (Tony) says go see Doctor Sleep this weekend. It rules.

Friday, November 8, 2019

"Show Me Your Dick!"

This week's VHS is one of my acquisitions from last month's Up All Night Fest at the Mayfair, Luis Llosa's 1988 flick Crime Zone.

Bone (Peter Nelson) & Helen (Sherilyn Fenn), two inhabitants of a dystopian society aim to escape with the help of a mysterious man named Jason (David Carradine).

From the coverbox I inferred that Crime Zone might be some sort of Road Warrior rip-off, but sadly that was not the case. Instead, this movie was more of a Bonnie & Clyde set against the backdrop of a bargain basement Blade Runner. You know what I mean, there were a ton of these in the late eighties/early nineties that all had a similar look, but couldn't spring for the flying cars or any other expensive visual effects. I do give them some points for world building though, as that wonky version of pool was amusing and they beat Lawnmower Man to the VR punch by four years.

Then again, those kids could just be high.

Seeing Fenn as a blonde was rather striking. Man, compared to The Wraith this must have felt like a blockbuster. This was during her “naughty” period so Crime Wave does feature an obligatory nude scene. I have to admit though, if they'd found a better lead, or at least someone Fenn had even a bit of chemistry with, it might have made all the difference. Because I gotta tell you, the last half hour of this movie felt like a thousand years long. Once the novelty of Carradine's couple-of-days-on-set performance lost its luster, I was wishing for the end credits.

I will say that the middle of Crime Zone did keep me entertained, either from the exchanges between Helen and Bone that were frankly hard to keep a straight face through, or other bits like the lady cop who uttered that aforementioned line above and that the government's preferred method of execution was to shoot a death ray at your genitals.

Come to think of it, there's a lot of weird crotch stuff in this movie. Probably best not to dwell on it. At the end of the day, I can forgive Llosa for this less than stellar effort because he is the gentle soul that would eventually give us Anaconda. Bless.

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

Short of the Week #78: To Dust

Here's more nightmare fuel from UK stop-motion animator Robert Morgan.

These were fragments used in Shawn Snyder's film debut To Dust starring Matthew Broderick. I love that in addition to his own short films, Morgan's gooey fingerprints are now being left throughout the cinema world.

Friday, November 1, 2019

Hope Ya Like Puns!

This week it's Jag Mundhra's Halloween horror Hack-O-Lantern from 1988.

Three siblings discover their grandfather is the leader of a satanic cult, or close enough... the particulars are already fading from my memory.

I haven't been having much luck with the holiday-themed horrors this year, as this was pretty much an archaic, meandering mess. You see, there's this really lame Satanic cult that likes to sacrifice people on Halloween. How do I know they're lame? Well, Exhibit A.

The grandfather (played by Hy Pyke) is the ring leader of this cult and he's pretty grating to watch. It's like he's channelling a really shitty version of Emperor Palpatine at times. Grandpa has three grandchildren - one of which he's trying indoctrinate and the other two he doesn't really seem to give two shits about - and the movie can't seem to figure out which one is the protagonist.

Things really get crazy when the Halloween party gets started. It's your average small town event that for some reason has a strip show - featuring a lady who I'm pretty sure, based on her distinct tan lines, was the same one who got a pentagram branded onto her ass a few scenes earlier - and a snake dancer for entertainment. I'd let that pass, but the dude who breaks out into a stand-up routine outside... not so much. I think the only thing more painful were the extras fake laughing in his vicinity.

Where is Candyman when you need him?

Eventually in this really long eighty-seven minute movie, we get a few kills and then finally an anti-climactic pitchfork/sword fight that lasts an awkward twenty seconds. You know, I remember seeing this cover box back in the day and passing it over. Now, I wish that demon woman was the protagonist and not just a weird chick who shows in a random music video dream sequence.

Yep, more of that would have suited me just fine.

Thursday, October 31, 2019

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

THS Halloween Clip Show!

Hey all. I love those videos where peeps stitch together old Halloween clips so I decided to make my own, mostly from stuff in my VHS archives. Enjoy!

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Short of the Week #77: The Resurrections of Clarence Neveldine.

This week's short is another recently posted short film from my buddy Mike Pereira. The Resurrections of Clarence Neveldine stars the lovely and talented Raven Cousens and is my fave of Mikey's works because it involves a horror trope near and dear to my heart - the Final Girl. Enjoy.