More Like "On Bore" Amirite?

This week's VHS was Don Edmonds' 1980 rock n' roll slasher, Terror on Tour.

Several women are being murdered during concerts of controversial rock band The Clowns. Could the killer be a fan? Or even a member?

I'm not sure what I was expecting with this movie, but considering it was from the guy who brought us the first two Ilsa flicks I surely hoped for something less dull as dirt.

Technically it's a slasher in that nubile groupies were picked off one by one, but the movie meandered so much I often wondered if I was watching either a Drugs PSA or a biopic about a hot new rock band. Pacing was a huge problem, as the killer's most brazen rampage happened like thirty minutes into the movie. There's nowhere to really go from there, right? And they didn't even pay off the fact the band were using trick knives onstage to stab their go-go dancers. That's a no-brainer.

It didn't help that like, six people were all wearing the same black-and-white make-up, so there's no way to really differentiate anyone. Literally the only ones with anything to work with at all, are the two roadies – both red herrings, as one paints his face wishing he could be in the band and the other gets pissed because his alcoholism gets him fired. I mean, Imdb had to tell me “The Soup Nazi” was in this.

No idea which guy this is...

And then there were the female roles, such as they were. Meaty roles in slashers (if you're not the Final Girl of course) were anemic at best, but there was no hiding the fact that ladies were meant to be empty knife holders. The sound on my VHS was pretty tinny, but I could swear that one of these chicks comes up to a band member at one point and says. “I think you're better than The Beatles or the Kiss.” Shit, Dyanne Thorne could've helped this movie immensely.

Terror On Tour was made at the height of the slasher boom so there's really no excuse for to how stale it was. I mean, even assuming the music was supposed to be this movie's strength, it's not even as catchy as the ditties presented in stuff like New Year's Evil and Killer Party.