I've been on a pretty solid run of VHS
titles recently so this time I picked something that was almost
surely to be of questionable quality – Juan Mas' The Coroner from 1999.
After narrowly escaping from a serial killer (Dean St. Louis) – who just
happens to be the city's chief coroner – Emma (Jane Longenecker) sets out to
prove his guilt at all costs.
The Coroner totally reeked of the trash
that was populating video store shelves in the early 2000's. I'd forgotten
how wretched some of this stuff was. From the first few scenes, I had several uh-oh moments that made me thanking God that
it was only seventy-five minutes. Fortunately, it became less
terrible as it went on, as it turned out to not just be ladies being chained up and tortured for the entire run time.
![]() |
Jane Longenecker & Dean St. Louis in The Coroner. |
Actually, it
was quite the opposite, as there was barely any gore at all. You
would think a movie about a serial killer would have some actual
kills, but no. In fact, pretty much the only thing I recall was
nonsense cutaways and flashbacks, some pilfered from other (better)
movies. I could've sworn I saw a bit of Slumber Party Massacre flash
onscreen at one point. That's super lazy, guys.
I will give it up to Longenecker
though, as she was giving it her all. She had a Bridget Fonda-like
quality that kept me at least semi-interested. The Coroner was really
all over the place, with random sex scenes that sometimes made me wonder if
I was watching a horror movie or a soft core porn. With wonderful
nuggets of dialogue like Exhibit A below, I tend to lean toward the
latter...
It's just a weird mixed bag, including
cops that even for movie cops were way too mistrusting, a killer who
used blow darts of all things to subdue his victims and that Emma, a
defense lawyer, somehow had access to C4 explosives. It all added up to
an ending that made no sense, especially considering the scene that proceeded
it.
The Coroner was Z-grade stuff, but
considering its merciful length and Longenecker's committed performance, it
was still fairly painless.
1 comment:
bluechew is really helpful for me
Post a Comment