Insert X Pun Here

Things have been so crazy around here, I barely had time to see the new X-Files movie, let alone review it. I thought about just letting it go, but my conscience wouldn’t allow it. You see, the X-Files used to take up so much of my psyche, that this new movie just HAD to be addressed. I originally wanted to do a whole lead up of articles about my favourite episodes, but the clock was not on my side. Having a full time job - that doesn’t involve writing about cool shit – really sucks sometimes!

Before I comment on the new X-Files movie, let us first go back in time fifteen years to when it all started. It was September 1993 and I was avidly watching (as any Evil Dead fan would) the new Bruce Campbell vehicle The Adventures Of Brisco County Jr. Then, one fateful night, I happened to catch the first five minutes of the show that came on right after Brisco called The X-Files. That episode was “Deep Throat”, the second one ever to air. I was immediately hooked. I recorded every episode and dubbed copies for my friends, endoctrining them all into watching the coolest show on television. As the show’s popularity increased, I became obsessed with the mythology and mulled over every detail of the show. I joined the first official fan club (run by two sisters in New Hampshire) and went to an X-Files convention held here in 1995. The X-Files is also the main reason I came online that year, getting a shitty (and expensive) Delphi account with its dos-based web browser just so I could have access to X-Files images and alt.tv.x-files.

So, the show pressed on for several years and even I – the huge fan that I am – acknowledge that the show went on two seasons too long. It’s not that I had a problem with Robert Patrick and Annabeth Gish (I actually really liked Agent Reyes), it was just that the show wasn’t as compelling. In fact, I recently took a look at a list of the last season’s episodes and couldn’t remember watching many of them, even though I know I MUST have. The show’s conclusion was unfulfilling, which only proved my point further that they should have ended it sooner.

So, six years later, a new X-Files feature film is upon us. The general consensus from people I talk to, whether they were fans of the show or not, is a resounding ‘meh’. I’ve also heard ‘why now?’, ‘too late’, and ‘pointless’ bandied about. I heard these opinions, even somewhat agreed with them, but still felt an obligation to revisit a franchise that was so near and dear to my heart not so long ago.

After an FBI agent is abducted, a convicted pedophile (Billy Connolly) claims he is having visions of her whereabouts. With no concrete leads, the FBI ask Scully (Gillian Anderson) to pull Mulder (David Duchovny) out of exile to help with the case. Running out of time, Mulder and Scully must figure out whether this man is really psychic, a suspect or just completely insane.

Watching X-Files: I Want To Believe was a very strange and surreal experience that is hard to describe. I felt very displaced. The world has moved on since the end of the show and it was clear early on that this movie, as most suspected, is five years too late. I’ll give you a perfect example. When Duchovny first came onscreen, I thought of Hank Moody (his current character on Californication). That’s how long it’s been! I don’t even really associate him with Mulder anymore. I won’t really go into details about how I felt about where they took the characters in the interim because frankly, I didn’t care that much. And that’s the tragedy here. So much time has passed since The X-Files was relevant that I felt totally disconnected from it. I don’t blame either Duchovny or Anderson for this because they were as good as ever, but everything else seemed out of whack. The story was fairly standard and driven forward by some outlandish MacGuffins that were really hard to overlook at times. There were some good moments though. Mulder’s one-liners are still on, there were a ton of Easter eggs for X-Philes to pick out and my man Callum Keith Rennie shows up as the villain. However, none of that changes the fact that X-Files: IWTB felt like an elongated episode and not one of the stronger entries either. I don’t remember it being that way with 1999’s Fight The Future. That seemed like a bigger, broader and more polished extension of the show, which also served as a clever bridge between the fifth and sixth seasons.

So, in the end, X-Files: IWTB is a take-it-or-leave-it experience. As a movie, it is fairly average, but as part of the X-Files canon, it fails to live up to the high quality of the show in its prime. This should really upset me as a fan, but as I said before… Meh.

Cool Stuff

I was working on the set of a buddy’s film all weekend, so I have only just now gotten caught up with all the news of the last week. Man, there was a lot of cool shit at Comic-Con in all forms of media. Here is just a taste.

Dexter Season 3! Glorious!!!

Also on the small screen this fall, is the new Alan Ball (of Six Feet Under fame) show True Blood. It's about vampires living among us and stars Anna Paquin. And it's on HBO. Okay, that's a whole lot of goodness I just threw out there... I need to take a breath.

In addition to the mouth-watering digital morsel that is Resident Evil 5, there is also an animated feature film on the way called Resident Evil: Degeneration. Anything RE has (for better or worse) my immediate attention.

Now, I know the new Robert Rodriguez/Rose McGowan project Red Sonja (pictured below) is not horror, but man oh man do I loooooove this poster! That shade of red makes me feel all tingly inside.

And this new Mandy Lane one sheet is cool too.

To comics now. Marvel and Stephen King teaming up again for a comic adaptation of his epic, The Stand. Hopefully, this adaptation will go where the sanitized mini-series wouldn’t.

I also ran across the website for this "live action comic book" Brielle & The Horror.

I am intrigued. If anyone out there knows anything about this, please feel free to give me a heads up.

I am really behind here guys, please bear with me.

The Most Dangerous Game

This month’s selection is the 2005 French film 13 Tzameti.

Struggling immigrant Sebastien (Georges Babluani) steals a dead man’s identity in order to make some easy cash. Unfortunately for him, he unknowingly enters into an underground gambling ring – where players bet their lives!

This film has a lot in common with my first non-horror selection Day Night, Day Night. It is simple, brimming with intensity and requires an investment of patience from the viewer. Once again, I will let the trailer sell the premise for you.



As you can imagine, 13 Tzameti has several hold-your-breath moments. It is a bare bones thriller that deserves an audience because it is a throwback to an old school style of filmmaking and I don’t just mean the black and white. Director and writer Géla Babluani (older brother of the film’s star) carefully grounds us in realism before thrusting into the insane world of the ‘game’. I think the scariest thing about the subject matter is that some incarnation of it likely exists out there somewhere. In fact, there is a special feature on the DVD where the filmmakers interview an alleged survivor of such a game.

Some have criticized the film’s pace and while I do agree that the middle act is its strongest, I was always completely ensconced in its dark world. Inevitably, the American remake is on the way, though with Babluani still at the helm. However, unlike Michael Haneke, who remade his own film Funny Games practically shot-for-shot, Babluani intends to avoid that by changing the story and shooting in colour.

If you are in the mood for something dark and subversive, I encourage you to check out 13 Tzameti.

MM '08!

As I’ve stated before, the end of July has become something of a second Christmas for me. It’s around this time (the last few years anyway) that the Toronto International Film Festival Midnight Madness line-up is announced. Madness programmer Colin Geddes rarely disappoints in giving us eager cinephiles the latest and greatest delights from around the globe. This year is no exception as the just unveiled line-up is chock full of highly anticipated titles.

Eden Log looks like a crazy slice of dark sci-fi that can only reinforce France’s dominance of the cutting edge of cinema. I can’t wait to see the visual styles on display here.

The genre mixing of J.T. Petty’s The Burrowers has me intrigued. I’m also very interested to see what Petty has been up to because his 2006 film S&MAN really left an impression on me.

Prachya Pinkaew’s Chocolate is not a horror title I know, but I’m mentioning it because it seems like I’ve been waiting forever for this martial arts flick to hit our shores. As you can see from this footage set loose on us several months ago, spitfire Jija Yanin seems poised to become Tony Jaa's female equivalent. The fact that it is also the festival closer must mean that Chocolate is quite a spectacle indeed.

And then there is French filmmaker Pascal Laugier’s new film Martyrs. Controversy surrounds this title as it was the first horror film in France to ever get an 18+ rating - and this is from a country that has given us such extreme titles as High Tension, Frontiers and last year’s Inside! I remember Colin telling me a few months back that he wasn’t sure whether he would show Martyrs here at Madness because it was just THAT punishing. I await it with equal parts curiosity and dread.

As always, Colin slipped in a few titles that even the people with their finger on the pulse of the festival circuit likely haven’t caught wind of yet.

Not Quite Hollywood is a documentary about Australian exploitation films. The first Midnight Madness screening I ever attended was Adam Simon’s American Nightmare, so I’m always eager to absorb another after-hours doc.

The “too shocking to produce” Deadgirl also looks completely sick and twisted. Though I should expect nothing less by now.

After seeing this year’s list of titles, September seems like a very long way off. To see the full line-up, check out today's press release here.

The Midnight Hour

The Toronto Film Festival Midnight Madness programme was thrilling viewers long before I discovered it in 2000. Established in 1988 by Noah Cowan – who is now co-director of the Festival – it has played host to almost two hundred genre offerings ranging from the grotesque to the downright bizarre. In 1998, Colin Geddes took over the reins and continues to wow us on a yearly basis. For this week’s Coverbox Wednesday, I pay homage to some of the movies that debuted at Madness and soon after ended up on my video store shelf. Enjoy! I hope to see you in line outside the Ryerson come September. For more info on past Midnight Madness programmes, click here.

Note: I couldn’t find the original VHS cover for Jack Be Nimble unfortunately. It seems to have fallen off the face of the Earth, or at least the Internet.

Two More Down.

On NBC, Fear Itself continues to soldier on. Here are my thoughts on the latest pair of episodes.

The fifth offering is a little ditty called “Eater”. A serial killer who likes to eat his victims spends the night in holding at a sleepy police station during a winter storm. This spells danger for rookie cop Bannerman (Elisabeth Moss), as she realizes that her charge may be even more deadly than she imagined.

Eater is a top-notch entry into the series, possibly the best yet. It has an unusual distinction of getting better as it progresses. It starts off fairly average, yet ends strong. It had elements of Carpenter (namely Assault On Precinct 13 and The Thing), but with a more supernatural edge. The score is also good, very pounding and methodical and not what you would expect from a claustrophobic piece like this.

I don’t recall there being credits at the top of the episode, so I was trying to figure out who directed it while I was watching. I never would have guessed Stuart Gordon, even though his fingerprint of doing a lot with very little – it has five characters and largely one location – was plainly there to see. I’d say Eater was better than BOTH of Gordon’s Masters Of Horror episodes (Dreams In The Witch House & The Black Cat), which goes against the general consensus that you need the boundless domain of cable to do horror well. Although, I will say that Eater is the most brutal Fear Itself episode to date. There were definitely a couple of moments that I was surprised they got by the primetime watchdogs.

I think with this episode and last year’s shockingly good feature Stuck, Gordon is really coming into his own as a filmmaker. His fantastical efforts like Re-animator and Dagon are defining moments to be sure, but his more recent grounded efforts – 2003's King Of The Ants is another overlooked gem – are really stretching his boundaries.


Next, is Darren Lynn Bousman’s (Saw II, Repo!) entry called “New Year’s Day”. A woman (Briana Evigan) wakes up New Year’s Day to find her city has been overrun with zombies.

Ok, Mr. Bousman. I have one question for you. You had a hot chick and a zombie apocalypse… How did you fuck that up?!

Just when I thought Fear Itself was hitting its stride, Bousman gives us the worst one so far. It was definitely the first episode where I engaged in some clock watching, as there was very little here that wasn’t completely pedestrian. The editing style was maddening. I’m not talking about the fractured narrative – although that didn’t really work either – I mean all this tired stuff with the sped up camera. Who thought this was a good idea? I assume this was supposed to be some sort of device of perception, but all it does is come off as totally amateurish.

New Year’s Day was written by Steve “30 Days Of Night” Niles. You are still in my good books Steve, but I have to respectfully suggest that giving away your conclusion in the first thirty seconds is perhaps not an advisable course of action. Being five steps ahead of the characters at all times did nothing to enhance my experience. The tragedy here is that New Year’s Day was a clever and original idea that was wasted because it shot itself in the foot at every turn.

Six episodes in, the up and down trajectory of Fear Itself continues.

The Digital Carnage Cometh

I've been so busy with all my Fantasia coverage that I haven't had the chance to sift through all last week's E3 footage until this weekend. What a shit ton of fantastic games on the horizon! It's getting so that one might have to either quit their job to play them all, or get another one to afford them. In addition to duelling sequels of top tier FPS's titles Gears Of War, Killzone and Resistance, there is also the mind bogglingly beautiful and brutal post-apocalyptic world of Fallout 3. Keeping it focused on horror titles though, there is no shortage of those either.

Resident Evil 5, my most anticipated game right now has a kickass new trailer that got my adrenaline going. I know where I'm going to be March 13th. See below for the latest trailer.



The first FPS I played on the PS3 was F.E.A.R and enjoyed the experience immensely. Now, the sequel Project: Origin is right around the corner. After seeing some of the gameplay, it really looks like they concentrated on keeping it fresh and ratcheting up the intensity level. Speaking of ongoing franchises, there is also another Silent Hill installment on the way. Homecoming hits shelves this September.

A new product from EA (taking a risk and going for something more adult) is the game Dead Space. I've been following the online comic prequel series (beautifully illustrated by Ben Templesmith of 30 Days Of Night fame) and am intrigued by the storyline taking shape here. The gameplay footage and the developers emphasis on 'strategic dismemberment' are all I needed to start setting aside time and funds for this fall. See some gameplay video below.



From SCE comes the J-horror themed Siren: Blood Curse. The demo dropped on the PSN recently in preparation for its release this week. The game gets points for atmosphere, but I found the controls a bit clunky, so I doubt if I'll invest anymore time in it.

Lastly, (and much to my chagrin because it is not coming to the PS3) is Left 4 Dead. This looks really cool. It's a co-op based game that could be the most cinematic yet, as it seems like you are being thrown right into the world of 28 Days Later. Oh well, I survived never being able to play Dead Rising, so I'm sure I'll be content with the three former titles I mentioned.

I also must mention Mirror's Edge. It is shaping up to be one of the freshest and breathtaking games around. It is far from the gritty, blood smeared titles I mentioned here, but as you can see from the footage below, it could be a one of a kind gaming experience.



So, get your thumbs in shape, cuz it's going to be a busy autumn.

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer

This past Thursday, I took a trip to the legendary Bloor Cinema to catch Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer. The line-up snaked around the block, largely due to the fact horror icon Robert Englund (who appears in the film) was going to be in attendance. As the movie was shot in Ottawa (a few hours east of Toronto), there was a large presence from the cast and crew, as well.

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer is about a Joe-average plumber (Trevor Matthews) with anger issues that never seems to be able to get ahead in life. When his community college professor (Robert Englund) is possessed by a demon, Jack realizes that he may have finally found his calling.

My experience watching Jon Knautz’s Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer was very much like 2006’s Hatchet. It was a fun filled experience, best enjoyed with an audience. As time goes on, I’m finding that to be the case more often. Some movies, especially some that play here at genre festivals – Undead and Black Sheep are two examples I can quote right away – just lose some of their punch if they are viewed alone in a dark basement.

Matthews brings a ton of energy to the title character. The scenes were he is paired up with Englund and scene-stealer David Fox (who plays Howard the storekeeper) are the strongest of the movie. Jack Brooks features a shit load of practical effects, which I unsurprisingly embraced completely. I give them full props for all they attempted to do here. The production values were actually a lot higher than I was expecting. The influence of The Evil Dead films are obvious here with there even being exact shots culled from Raimi’s trilogy.

And, of course, Robert Englund is great, as always. Even though he has earned his share of ‘paychecks’ during his career, he does seem to have a knack for allying himself with fresh new filmmakers. This is a guy who must have to sift through dozens of scripts from two bit hacks on a daily basis. Yet, in the last three years, his notoriety has helped give us Scott Glosserman (Behind The Mask), Adam Green (Hatchet) and now Jon Knautz. In the Q&A after the movie, Englund said that is was Knautz’s early short film Still Life (which I saw as part of a 2005 Short programme at TIFF) that cemented his decision to work with him. I can appreciate that, as Still Life had a Twilight Zone quality that showed equal parts creativity and ingenuity. He was extremely excited about being given the opportunity to do some physical comedy for a change.

Producer Patrick White(?), Director Jon Knautz, Star Trevor Matthews and the man himself, Robert Englund.

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer was a real crowd pleaser. It’s just a fun movie in the tradition of those old eighties monster movies, like Gremlins and House. I believe Jack is getting a limited theatrical release, so if it’s playing near you and this seems like your bag, go out and support it!

Oh, one other thing. Knautz's short film Still Life is available through the Atom website. Here it is below, if you want to check it out.

Fantasia, Part Three.

Unfortunately, it pissed rain the entire Sunday, so the majority of the day was spent under cover rather than gallivanting downtown. After taking in Robo Rock, a silly and fun Japanese romp about a down on his luck mob courier, I settled into the J.A. de Seve Theatre for a little film called Home Movie.

Parents local pastor David (familiar face Adrian Pasdar) and psychiatrist Clare (Cady McClain) start witnessing weird behaviour from their two young children Jack and Emily (Austin and Amber Williams). The movie is told through a video camera that is supposed to be for Clare’s work, but is more often used to document family holiday events. We jump in at Halloween, through to the following Easter.

Home Movie has an intriguing premise. What WOULD the early home movies of future serial killers look like? This cinema vérité style is really popular now, but still continues to be a very effective way to tell a story. It gives the filmmaker innumerable ways to be creative and extremely calculating about how information is given to us, the viewer. The film concentrates more on the parents – and their reactions to something they can’t understand - than the children themselves, which is a smart move and aside from a few paper-thin red herrings, the storyline is pretty straightforward. It succeeds in the ‘less is more’ category.

Now, Home Movie is – as is every film of this type - about balance. The suspension of disbelief issue is always a struggle. As the situation escalates, at what point would the camera operator put the camera down, rather than continue filming. The device often implemented is the protagonists’ need to ‘document’ the proceedings, but that can only take you so far. You have to cut them some slack when you get to this point because unless you do something really clever – like Behind The Mask switching to conventional camerawork for its conclusion – no camera, means no movie. The other balancing act is the response of the parents to their predicament. Would the parents have thought they knew best and tried to use their polarizing techniques to ‘fix’ their children rather than just calling in the white coats? I’m not a parent, so I can’t say for sure that David and Clare should have woken up and smelled the corpses rotting early on. The device of religion and science trying to heal those who cannot be healed is as good as any and the performances keep Home Movie grounded.

Probably the creepiest thing about Home Movie is how much of it came from director Christopher Denham’s own experiences. During the Q&A following the film, he talked about the troubled kid that lived next door to him growing up and how his anti-social behaviour culminated into the eventual murder of a local boy. Denham said the guilt shared by his entire neighbourhood was a tangible thing. People just ignored what they didn’t want to deal with, much like the father in the film.

Home Movie is refreshingly serious tale, told with little humour and the lack of a conventional score only adds to focus the growing tension. It would be a shame if it gets buried under all the other titles that employ this narrative technique because Home Movie is a worthwhile watch.

After some liquid refreshment, dirtyrobot and I went to what would be our last film of the weekend, the animated film From Inside.

A lone train barrels through a post-nuclear wasteland. The passengers know not where they are going, just somewhere other than here. A pregnant woman onboard is terrified for her unborn child. Will it be born dead, or worse still, deformed? All she can do is wait as the train continues on an uncertain path.

After the movie, I turned to my friend and said ‘Well, that was a little bleak’.

I kind of wish that Robo Rock had been our final film at Fantasia because then we wouldn’t have been on such a downer when we made our way back to The Irish Embassy. Luckily, we had Serena to cheer us up when she joined us after her screening of Trailer Park Of Terror. As you can see from her review, she had the more enjoyable experience.

I did dig the visual style of From Inside. It reminded me of the 2001 Web Series Broken Saints; it being largely sketched drawings slowly moved across the screen to simulate movement. Unfortunately, this isn’t the most ‘kinetic’ style around and combined with the female narrator's lulling voice, I had to fight an encroaching drowsiness at some points. I also had to think of Stephen King’s The Waste Lands, because of the train and you know… the wastelands. The sequence where it rains blood looks great, flushing out the dull greys and browns of the previous act.

I think back now and realize that not much happens in the movie, but I was nonetheless captivated. I just wish that it hadn’t been so morose. But, then again… that would explain why there aren’t too many post-apocalyptic musicals out there. I appreciated it, but maybe Trailer Park Of Terror would have been the better bet. Hopefully, it comes to Toronto for After Dark this October.

So, as I mentioned, we retired to the pub and enjoyed our last night together before we were to go our separate ways.

The usual suspects.

This little snippet of Fantasia (and Montreal) I was able to experience was an absolute blast. I hope to make this a yearly thing. I will, of course, bring you all along with me if I do.

Fantasia, Part Two.

My next film on Saturday afternoon, was the Japanese samurai flick Chanbara Beauty. This movie sold me on the poster alone, so I had no idea what I was in for. Okay, that's a tiny fib. In my heart, I knew.

Aya, a sultry samurai with ‘interesting’ fashion sense, travels across a post-apocalyptic land searching for her sister, who she saw murder their father many years before. Vengeance is her lone purpose, as she slices her way through the incumbent zombie population to find her.

Needless to say, I walked out of this movie with a big smile on my face. Serena hated it, but that’s okay. I don’t think she was their target audience. ;) Yeah, so Chanbara Beauty was kind of awesome. It was incredibly cheesy, convoluted and filled with CGI nonsense, but I still found it highly enjoyable. Oh, and did I mention there were zombies too?

Chanbara Beauty is based on a video game I’ve never played (or even heard of), but who cares? It’s got not one, not two, not three, but FOUR ladies with mad skills. We’ve been seeing stuff that looks like live action anime for quite a while now, most recently Machine Girl and (to a certain extent) Wanted, but Chanbara Beauty is probably the most extreme case I’ve seen so far. The final battle scene could have BEEN a videogame. All that was missing were the health bars and combo counters.

Just as a side note, even though I said I’d never heard of this game previously, I think this Aya character may be a big deal in Japan. I watch a lot of G4 (which regularly looks in on Japanese culture) and this week I’ve already seen her referenced twice. Coincidence? She could be the Lara Croft of the Orient for all I know. Anyway, I think after seeing the picture above, you’ve already decided whether this movie is your thing or not. The Japanese always have been the best at selling their product with just a single still, wouldn’t you say?

Case in point, my midnight screening and main reason I was here in Montreal. Tokyo Gore Police!

The lineup outside kept going...

and going...

and going...
and going...

The theatre was packed and the crowd lively...



Director Yoshihiro Nishimura and Miss Audition herself, Eihi Shiina.

After a short introduction in broken English - “This movie is crazy… but… good” - a highly excited audience buckled down for what was to be the Ninth Symphony of Gore.

The Tokyo Gore Police is about a privatized section of the Japanese police force commissioned to hunt down genetic mutants called Engineers. TGP employee Ruka (Shiina) discovers a conspiracy within her ranks that puts her training to the ultimate test.

Film company Fever Dreams are certainly taking a run at cornering the market on crazy-insane, insane-crazy. Their attitude seems to be that the sky’s the limit when it comes to what they will put onscreen. The idea of the Engineers in TGP is brilliant. Basically, whenever they are wounded, they can regenerate that lost body part into some sort of kick ass weapon.

As you can see, the possibilities are endless.

I can just picture these Japanese dudes sitting around a table throwing out the most bizarre brainstorms imaginable. They probably had this huge whiteboard with three columns labelled “Fucked Up Shit”, “Awesome” and “F’d Up Shit That Is Also Awesome” and they just went from there.

TGP is one of those movies you just have to go with because with every scene, things just get more and more absurd. It takes themes previously touched on by Paul Verhoeven and David Cronenberg, puts them in a rocket launcher (or rather, penis cannon!) and shoots them into the stratosphere. I can’t even fathom how much blood they must have used in this production. TGP is SOAKED in it and as you can see from the trailer, it literally rains blood in one scene. TGP is also riddled with these great mock television commercials (like those in the Robocop films), including one for a Wii-like device with a samurai sword attachment. Hilarious!

TGP is definitely crazier than Machine Girl, but also a lot more incoherent. I must admit my jaw was agape a few times, as sometimes I had to lean forward and try to figure out what I was looking at. I should mention I’d had a ‘few’ drinks before the screening. As mind-boggling as this may sound, my two compatriots were nodding off beside me as TGP raged on. I had to laugh at this. We’re in one of the loudest theatres I’ve ever been in, screening one of the most effed up movies ever, with a crowd that is cheering loudly every two minutes… how the HELL are you guys falling asleep?! Granted, I caught more zees than them the night before, but come on!

As a movie, I’d say Machine Girl is superior, but as an experience I think TGP may have the upper hand. The “More Gore To Come” banner and the film’s end received an anticipatory roar from the crowd. They will be back. As will I.

Well, that wraps up Saturday, onto Part Three.