In addition to the usual reviews and comments you would find on a horror movie blog, this is also a document of the wonderfully vast horror movie section of the video store I worked at in my youth.

Friday, February 17, 2023

Dog's Breakfast

This week's VHS was one I've had for a while, but only now just got around to watching. Those familiar with crusty video store horror sections will no doubt remember this coverbox from back in the day.

A widow (Bennie Lee McGowan) and an out-of-towner (Patrick Wayne) investigate a maniacal cult that has been murdering people in the area.

Wow, Revenge stinks. I knew that it was a Z-grade SOV flick going in, but I thought Wayne and John Carradine might have been able to elevate it somewhat. It turns out I didn't know what I was walking into. At the hop, I was almost immediately reminded of Blood Cult and, until a few seconds ago, didn't realize that this movie was actually its sequel. It even has some of the same characters, but Blood Cult was such a fucking bore that I'd completely wiped it from my memory.

I'm bewildered by the fact that Wayne and Carradine signed on to this. Had they not watched director Chris Lewis' previous two movies?? I mean, to be fair, Wayne pretty much one-notes his way through and Carradine, bless him, I don't think he ever turned down a role in his life. I think I may have caught him reading his lines offscreen a time or two. 

The only one with any gusto in this, apart from Peter Hart - who had a German accent which makes for scenery chewing by default - was McGowan as the shotgun-toting farm owner Gracie. After her husband gets offed in one of the most hilarious pre-death moments in history...

...she teams up with Wayne to fight against the evil forces that mean to drive her from her property. As I'm typing this, I'm realizing that although not much happens, it's at least a lot more than its predecessor - if my 2016 post is to be believed. There's that scene where Wayne's “classy” squinty-eyed sister gets roasted by telekinesis, cuz that's a power this cult has, but only uses that one time for some reason. Then, there's that birdwatcher that mercifully gets hacked to death to avoid her friend's embarrassing steak(?) and eggs. Like WTF is that?

The motorcycle rider from Nail Gun Massacre shows up at points to harass McGowan, and also, in an amusing turn, disciples of the cult argue about the expanded recruitment because they are running out of ceremonial robes and dog amulets. You know, for a movie as shitty as it is, I saw a lot of firsts last night.

You know, it's been donkey's years since I saw The Ripper, but I recall the gore being pretty decent. Was Tom Savini helping out on that one, because the gore was really lacking here. It's either offscreen, super close-up or clumsily shot. It's frustrating because it would have made a big difference. 555 is a pile of shit, but those kills are impressive.

So yeah terrible movie, but I talked about it twice as much as Blood Cult so that's something, right? 

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