Silver City Oakville. Worth its weight in, well... silver.

This weekend I was very excited to try out the new "super" theatre that opened up in my area. It is absolutely miraculous how fast they threw this thing up. At the beginning of the year, I remember reading in the local paper that they were planning on building this and here it is already! I apologize for the image quality of the pictures, I took them with my shitty cell phone camera.

A flyer came in the mail earlier this week, regalling me with its many features. A bowling alley and pool tables, a video store and a licensed lounge upstairs.

What really caught my eye though, were the VIP theatres. I was intrigued and sought to find out more. SC Oakville has three VIP theatres. For the increased ticket price of $16.95, you get the following perks;

-No one under 19 is permitted (worth the extra five bucks right there!).
-Assigned seating which you pick when you buy your tickets (via computer touch screen).

-Larger, comfier reclining leather seats.
-At your seat refreshments service (yes, it's what it sounds like. You buy food, they bring it to you).

-No commercials at showtime (it's funny, I didn't even notice that until later, when I saw it on the website. So awesome!).

THIS WAY TO CINEMATIC HEAVEN.

THE FUTURE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

The licensed lounge is right outside the entrance to the VIP theatres. At this time, you are not allowed to bring alcohol in there because of an Ontario bylaw (which reminds me, I have a letter to write), but they are apparently working to change that.

Saturday afternoon, me and a buddy checked out I Am Legend (review to come) in one of these VIP theatres. I have to say that I can see myself spending a lot of time here in the future. I'm not kidding when I say it's close to me. In the summer, I will literally be able to walk there. How great is that? I can't help but think that there was some higher power involved in making something so perfectly tailored to me, plop down right in my neck of the woods. There were only eight people at my showing, but granted it was one thirty in the afternoon. I really hope that the increased price isn't too much of a sticking point for people and that this experimental venture (at least here in Ontario) is a success because it is truly a superior way to watch movies.

For more info, check out http://www.cineplex.com/silvercityoakville/default.aspx

Petey Jackson never looked so good...

Why can't all cover art look like THIS?!!!

Choose Your Own DVD Adventure Part Two

I spent a few hours with the Return to House on Haunted Hill DVD on the weekend and I must say that it was quite a fun experience. The movie itself is pretty standard, but the novelty of the navigational cinema thing really elevates its likeability.

There are seven points in the movie where you are asked to make a choice and going back over it I found three variant endings – one of which is the cinematic version of ‘your adventure ends here’ – but there may very well be more. I couldn’t however, despite much effort on my part, find a scenario where Cerina Vincent takes her top off. Curious. It usually happens so easily. This new way of watching movies is a cool feature that I hope to see more of in the future.

As for the movie itself, it’s fairly average. The visual style that I liked so much in the original seemed watered down in this one. Also, they were a little too liberal with the CG. Now, I know that the climax effects of the 1999 remake have always been a point of reference for all those haters out there, but in Return they just seemed overused. The director (Victor Garcia) has an SFX background, so I guess he made the call on that one. I just would have liked to see more practical effects. Jeffrey Combs is underutilized, as well. I thought they could have delved more into his story, but he ended up just being what the Pinhead character has been boiled down to in most of the Hellraiser sequels. He makes an appearance here and there, says a few lines and that’s pretty much it. I mean, great actors like Combs can pull off that stuff in their sleep, no doubt, but it left me wanting more is all.

Return is definitely worth checking out for the novelty at least. If you happen to have a next-gen player (it was also released on HD-DVD), get a couple of likeminded friends together, have a few drinks and enjoy the ride – any which way you want to take it.

Choose Your Own DVD Adventure

Serena gave me a great Xmas gift yesterday. The Bluray edition of the recently released Return To House On Haunted Hill.

Now, I know I'm in the minority, but I actually like the 1999 House on Haunted Hill remake. It's a much maligned title, that I have to defend all the time, but I've always really enjoyed it. The solid cast, great sound design and awesome visual style really work for me. I guess that makes me a tad hypocritical considering my last post, but so be it. House was also one of the first movies I ever purchased on DVD.

So, I guess it makes some sort of cyclical sense that Return would be one of the first next-gen DVD's that I own. What makes this disc really unique is the 'navigational cinema' functionality. Simply put, the movie plays like one of those old choose your own adventure books that I used to read as a kid. As I understand it, at frequent points during the movie, a menu screen will pop up with a question like, "Should Paul run away? Yes or No?". You make a choice using your remote and the movie continues based on your decision. Apparently, there are ninety-six different scenarios.

I'm really looking forward to digging my teeth into this. I'll update this blog on my 'adventures' soon. Oh, Cerina Vincent and Jeffrey Combs are in it, too. Score!

Thanks Serena!

Holiday Horror. Old & New.

My friend Serena regularly hosts horror movie nights at her place and this time the theme was Christmas horror. Over spiked eggnog, we watched the Bob Clark classic Black Christmas and its recent Hollywood counterpart back to back.

One is a classic. The other. Not so much.

It had been a while since I’d seen the original and the refresher reminded me not only about how good it is, but also how influential, as well. During the opening sequence, you can immediately see the similarities between it and horror movie staple Halloween. Black Christmas also takes it time. It doesn’t rush into things. The prank phone calls are an extremely creepy device. I remember seeing it for the first time and thinking wow, for a movie made in the mid-seventies, they are throwing the word ‘cunt’ around fairly liberally. Ah, us Canadians, always stretching the boundaries. We’re like the Europeans of North America. Margot Kidder is great as the house lush, Olivia Hussey adds some Shakespearean exuberance (i.e. overacting) and Andrea Martin is good for long… awkward… pauses. And for giggling at all of her fellow sorority sisters jokes. John Saxon rocks of course, as well.

For a film that was Halloween’s - the grandfather of the American slasher – main influence, Christmas isn’t really a slasher at all. At its heart, it is a slow burning mystery thriller.

So, after Black Christmas ’74 came to its chilling conclusion (I’ve always really liked that ending; absurd as it is), Serena popped in the remake. I had already seen it because she – being one of only people I know who actually likes the movie – had played it for me when it first came out on DVD. I promptly went to the fridge to grab another beer because well, I was gonna need it.

I really don’t know what Glen Morgan and company were trying to accomplish with this movie. I mean, there are points where it feels like an old style genre flick, but really, it’s everything the original isn’t. There are more people dispatched in the first twenty minutes of this movie than in the entire span of the original. So much for taking your time. None of the characters are likeable, the plot is incoherent – the first two acts seem like two separate movies running in tandem – and the climax is totally incomprehensible. I guess one positive is that since all of the actresses are fairly well known, it's not evident which one is the protagonist, so that’s something I suppose. At this point, I would like to shed a tear for Mary Elizabeth Winstead. I guess that’s a spoiler, but since this isn’t The Usual Suspects or The Sixth Sense, I don’t think I’m ruining anyone’s day by revealing that.

I suppose at the end of the day, Black Christmas ’06 is mildly entertaining. Being a gorehound, I think that I would have enjoyed the EXCESSIVE gore a lot more if I weren’t in the back of my mind comparing it to the minimalist nature of the original. Unfortunately, that seems to be the late motif of these seventies revival remakes, doesn’t it? Both the Texas and Halloween remakes replaced suggestion with outright splatter and are lesser films because of it. But I digress. I’ll leave my remake rant for another day.

Oh, and we also watched the hilariously bad Jack Frost. I hadn’t seen it since it originally came out on video – come on, how could I have resisted that holographic coverbox? I’m glad that Shannon Elizabeth was able to take her experience being raped by an evil snowman and parlay it into a fairly successful Hollywood career. Good job, girl!

Jack Frost needs to be seen to be believed. I CAN SEE YOUR HOUSE FROM UP HEEEERE!!!

Ten Great Modern Horror Films

In this day and age, when it seems like we are flooded with mediocre horror fare every week – on the big screen and at the video store – it’s easy to ask yourself, how come no one makes good horror films anymore? Well, like any form of mass media, they’re still being made, it’s just that there is so much gristle to chew through, it can sometimes be hard to get to the meat. This is a list of ten modern horror films that I wrote earlier this year for DvdWolf. These titles exemplify what I love about my favourite genre of film. Some are more mainstream than others, but all are worth a space on your DVD shelf. Here they are in no particular order.

The Descent
2004, UK. Dir: Neil Marshall
One really needs to look no further than Neil Marshall’s sophomore effort - the fine werewolf movie Dog Soldiers being his debut – to see that kick ass horror flicks still exist. The Descent is a success on every level. The atmosphere is claustrophobic, the antagonists effective and the gore perfectly balances the tension – something that a good deal of Marshall’s peers seem to have either forgotten or chosen to ignore.

Session 9
2001, USA. Dir: Brad Anderson
Session 9 has many strengths. A chilling build-up, a great set piece – the abandoned asylum, a character in itself ala The Shining – and some great performances. Brad Anderson’s track record continued with the remarkable The Machinist in 2004.

Gin Gwai (The Eye)
2002, China. Dir: Danny & Oxide Pang
The Eye has always been my favourite Asian horror film. It has more prolonged bouts of creepiness than Ringu and is more linear and coherent than Ju-on. It is a great ghost story, told well in tandem with fantastic sound design. See it before the American remake comes out this winter.

Haute Tension (High Tension)
2003, France. Dir: Alexandre Aja
Haute Tension is a flick I like more and more as time goes on. It excels at all the things I love about horror films. While combining elements of Texas Chainsaw, Bill Lustig’s Maniac and Sam Peckinpah’s Straw Dogs, the screeching score, intense cinematography and visceral gore make this a revelation for fans of the genre. I know that many people like to shit on it because of the story’s outcome, but I’ve always considered it inconsequential to the overall bloody canvas on which Aja paints.

Open Water
2004, USA. Dir: Chris Kentis
This one is a perfect example of guerrilla filmmaking. The two leads put life and limb on the line to give what was one of the most intense experiences I’ve ever had in a theatre. Open Water is simple, adeptly shot and really leaves you with a feeling of dread.


Espinazo del diablo, El (The Devil’s Backbone)
2001, Spain. Dir: Guillermo del Toro
Backbone is the ‘brother’ film to del Toro’s brilliant award winning 2006 film Pan’s Labyrinth. A lot simpler in story and tone, Backbone serves to remind us that del Toro can produce gold no matter what size budget he is working with.


Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon
2006, USA. Dir: Scott Glosserman
Mask was the biggest surprise of last year. It takes documentary style conventions – seen in films like Blair Witch and Man Bites Dog – and takes them even further. Nathan Baesel as the title character is just so hard NOT to like. The very difficult line of horror and self-referential comedy – a popular avenue these days since the arrival of the Scream series – is skirted adroitly, but never crossed.


Ôdishon (Audition)
1999, Japan. Dir: Takashi Miike
Audition is one of infamous director Miike’s best works. It's a real slow burner that boils over with a finale that is still referenced to this day. An interesting concept that only avoids coming off the rails because of the mad genius at the controls.



My Little Eye
2002, UK. Dir: Marc Evans
This film was on the forefront of a sub genre that has now become somewhat saturated, but Eye still remains one of the best examples. The story unfolds in such a way that you are alongside the characters and therefore feel the unease and uncertainty, as well. Probably one of the lesser known gems on this list, but still no less worthy of a look.

The Abandoned
2006, Spain. Dir: Nacho Cerda
Cerda, the director of the infamous and controversial short Aftermath, takes a simple story and makes it fresh by using superb sound design. Only employing, for the most part, one location and two characters, Cerda is able to craft a film that oozes atmosphere. The Abandoned was part of Maple’s “8 Films to Die For” series and the best of them by a grand margin.

Overcome by awesomeness

I'm still trying to figure out how I want to set this whole thing up, but in the meantime... BEHOLD the radness of THIS!



Real or not, it rocks! Although I do have one question... how practical a weapon IS a drill bra really?