In addition to the usual reviews and comments you would find on a horror movie blog, this is also a document of the wonderfully vast horror movie section of the video store I worked at in my youth.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Okay. We're Done.

First off, I’d like to say that I knew the ‘twist’ or ‘hook’ or whatever you want to call it, going in because some FUCKING RETARD in the Toronto Sun gave it away two months ago in his summer preview article. That being said though, it ended up not making a difference, as The Happening is a fucking disaster of a movie anyway. There is no disputing that.

I literally do not even know where to start.

M. Night Shyamalan has been on shaky ground for a while now. The Village was a sham and Lady In The Water was pretentious drivel. The Happening? Well… If you thought that George Lucas had gone batshit loco with the Star Wars prequels and Sam Raimi lost it after the dance numbers in Spiderman 3, then you ain’t seen NOTHING yet.

The Happening is Wicker Man bad. Actually no, scratch that. In some ways, it’s worse. At least when Nic Cage started ninja kicking people, it was entertaining in its insanity. The Happening, towards the end, just makes you feel bad for the little guy. M. Night I mean. Because you know he thinks this stuff is gold and it’s really NOT. It’s kind of like watching that one Special Ed kid on the playground who has to wear a helmet because he falls down a lot.

Ultimately, the failure of the movie falls directly on the shoulders of M. Night. Everything about this movie is just so deliberate. Not even the music choices are correct. At least in his earlier films, he had great actors to hit the material home. In The Happening, it seems like everyone is walking around in a daze. From very early on, I couldn’t believe how STIFF everything was. I can’t fault Mark Wahlberg and John Leguizamo too much, as some of the stuff they were given to work with was atrocious. I do, however, have to single out Zooey Deschanel. It’s like she was going out of her way to put in a terrible performance. I can’t even describe to you how distracting it was.

And if the movie wasn’t off the rails before they got to the old woman’s place, it was certainly was then. That character was just so RANDOM. By this time, I was whispering ‘what the fuck?’ to myself on a minute-by-minute basis. On the bright side, M. Night’s ‘cameo’ in this one is limited to the other end of Zooey’s phone. No more saviour of the world bullshit, thank God.

It’s official. M. Night has gone insane. I can’t even fathom how you can go from a brilliant piece of work like Unbreakable (my personal fave of his) to this. And you know the most unfortunate thing about this? He has no idea. He still thinks he is Hitchcock 2000. I’m reminded of that rumoured story of a couple of movie execs taking M. Night to lunch and trying to tell him that this project was garbage. He laughed in their faces.

The Happening is not good. Unless you are a glutton for punishment or like to see the inner workings of a career meltdown, I would advise you to avoid this movie like the plague. That’s it for me, M. Night. Three strikes and you’re out.

Oh, btw. Below is a funny G4 skit from just after the release of Lady In The Water. Pretty much sums it up, don’t you think?

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