Seek Shelter

Okay, here we are, another VHS Friday. This one is the 1990 serial killer thriller The Rain Killer.

A hardened cop Capra (Ray Sharkey) & an FBI agent Dalton (David Beecroft) attempt to track down a serial killer who strikes when it rains.

Hope you like that cover, because this pseudo-giallo was damp as fuck. I remembered the cover, which is why I picked it up in the first place and figured I'd seen it, as it would have come out during my tenure as a video store jockey, but I didn't remember thing one about it as it was unspooling. Though, of course, it could just be due to its super forgettability. But, let's break it down.

At the hop, I was met by some welcome sax and piano from Terry Plumeri (who a year later would score One False Move, one of the most underrated movies of the nineties) and watched some precipitation-bathed kill scenes for which I was onboard. However, then the energy just drained out of the movie, like water down an old rusty pipe.

Praying to the Rain God.

Perhaps the most prohibitive thing about it was the pacing. I mean, the movie starts off with three kills right away and then nothing for like an hour. In the interim, we had a lot of cop stuff and a thirty-minute obvious red herring setup that did nothing, except check the full frontal nudity box for whoever was keeping track at the production company.

The Rain Killer doesn't have anything to latch onto. The relationships, whether it be the frenemy duo of Capra & Dalton or the unsexy romance between Capra & Adele (Tania Coleridge), are just awkward and uninteresting. I re-watched Jeff Hathcock's Night Ripper last weekend, and say what you will about its quality (or lack thereof) there is at least something pure about it. This was shiny and wet, but far from appealing. And oh God, that sex scene in the living room... I wager zero blocking went into that scene. It's like they forgot they had to shoot it and just “banged” it out in one take before they hit the lights.

Ray Sharkey getting his Corey Hart on in The Rain Killer.

Michael Chiklis appeared as Capra's partner, but I found myself distracted by his headwear. As in plural. He had a new sports cap every few scenes - Chicago, New York, Boston, San Fran, like pick a team, man! It must have been intentional and a running joke on set, because if not, that continuity person needed to find a new line of work.

So anyway, once we finally limped to our conclusion, there's never any real explanation as to why the dude was killing chicks in the rain. Or how it was raining every day for two solid weeks in LA anyway. Like that doesn't happen normally, right? The Rain Killer cannot hold a sprinkle to last week's Relentless, which had a better cast, better banter, better set pieces, shit this director couldn't even make a car chase look interesting. I had to struggle just to pull a decent fucking GIF.

Anyway, I'm done with this movie. Hopefully, the next one is better. Have a good weekend and great Friday the 13th, kiddies!