Be My Valentine

The new My Bloody Valentine remake opens this Friday and I haven't done a weekly theme in a while (Rat Week in June was the last one), so here we go.

My entrance into horror movie fandom happened to coincide with the American slasher boom of the early eighties. That meant there was never any shortage of our beloved subgenre's stuff lurking on video store shelves. They were instantly recognizable because they always had such eye-catching coverboxes. My memories of My Bloody Valentine are fond ones. I mean, who doesn't remember seeing this iconic image during the eighties?

Dug out from the archives.

So, on the docket this week is a special Coverbox Wednesday, a screening of the original My Bloody Valentine in Toronto on Thursday and hopefully taking in the new 3-D extravaganza on the weekend. Until then, beware of flying pickaxes!

Don't Kill The Messenger

As you know, things happen in the world of horror daily, but having a day job doesn't really give me the luxury of commenting on said news as much as I'd like. So, what I'm planning on doing from now on is picking out a few stories from the week and then throwing out some thoughts over my Saturday (or Sunday) morning cup of Orange Pekoe. Give me some time and I might even come up with a cool name and/or header for it. Okay, let's get into it, shall we?

A New Doc On The Horizon.

First, while digging around Imdb last week, I came across this really interesting project called Into The Dark. It appears to be a UK documentary examining horror films, executive produced by George A. Romero and directed by Johanna Salomäki and Paul McEvoy. There doesn't really seem to be much info about it (except a tiny blurb on the Jinga Films website), but what struck me was the super impressive lineup of interviewees. In addition to Romero, Into The Dark also features horror icons Dario Argento, Clive Barker, Tobe Hooper, Stuart Gordon, Bill Lustig, Guillermo Del Toro, Tom Holland and Mick Garris. The doc also has its share of up and coming talent like Jaume Balagueró (REC), Adam Green (Hatchet), Joe Lynch (Wrong Turn 2), Scott Glosserman (Behind The Mask) and Gregg Bishop (Dance Of The Dead). And, as this is a UK production, the Brits are heavily represented by filmmakers such as Neil Marshall (The Descent), James Watkins (Eden Lake), Christoper Smith (Severance), Simon Boyes (Broken), Adam Mason (The Devil's Chair) and Jake West (Evil Aliens). I could go on. The release date is slated for this month in the UK, so hopefully this appears on our shores sometime soon.

Okay, You Have My Attention.

Second, Schwartz sent me an email yesterday telling me the trailer for the Last House On The Left remake was now online. I remember Craven talking about it during his appearance at FOF last fall, but I was still lukewarm about it. After watching the trailer though, I have to say... it doesn't look too bad. Apart from maybe showing too much - a common crime these days unfortunately - it looks pretty decent. And that Sweet Child Of Mine cover...



What do you think? First The Hills Have Eyes remake; now this. Is there something about Craven, that is just adaptable? The original Last House was a punishing film and there are flashes in this trailer that look like it might approach that. Obviously, with the censors being what they are these days, that is a pipe dream, but it leaves me no less intrigued.

Help! Help! I'm Being Repressed!

And lastly, here's something funny I discovered about The Unborn marketing campaign. The International poster is far more 'stimulating' than the domestic one, wouldn't you say?

Oh and btw, I have a friend who went to a press screening and said The Unborn was mediocre, at best. And Gary Oldman is in it for twenty minutes, tops. Congratulations, Michael Bay, to another job undone.

So, that about does it for now. Next week, I'm doing something special, so look out for the announcement on Monday. Have a good one!

triangle circle ex square

I covered the horror films that I’m looking forward to in 2009 earlier this week, so now I want to touch on some upcoming goodies from my other favourite pass time; video games. Aside from the obvious ones like Killzone 2 and the new Infinity Ward Call of Duty installment, there are a few (three to be precise) genre titles on the way.

Resident Evil 5
My absolute #1 anticipated piece of media entertainment in 2009. It’s absolutely gorgeous and all the demo footage looks like it has improved on the already groundbreaking mechanics of Resident Evil 4. It will be good to get back in Chris Redfield’s combat boots again after a lengthy absence, as I believe 2000’s Code Veronica was the last time we saw him. Okay, technically he was in a 2007 game on the Wii, but that doesn’t really count. The online co-op gameplay (with the introduction of new character Sheva Alomar) will hopefully be more polished than in previous installments like Outbreak.




F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin
F.E.A.R. was the first game I played on my PS3 and I can’t wait for more. All J-horror comparisons aside, Alma is one pissed off little ghostie and the addition of mechs is a stroke of genius. F.E.A.R’s enemy A.I. is some of the best in the business and I’m going to need all my time-slowing abilities to come out on top.




Heavy Rain
This PS3 exclusive has had a ton of resources poured into it. The graphics are cutting edge, as you can see. From what I can glean from the trailer, the story revolves around a woman investigating someone called The Origami Killer, presumably the knife-wielding attacker in the trailer. Still not much is known about the gameplay, other than it will utilize a unique control system that will entail at least some QTE’s. It will also have a huge and dense storyline (word has it the original script was the length of over three feature films). I’m really pulling for Heavy Rain to be more than just a pretty face.



So, there you have it. It seems my Playstation will be working overtime this year. Happy gaming and remember to save early and save often!

It Came From Under The Covers.

Time to start the year off right. Here’s my review of the outstandingly outrageous flick Death Bed: The Bed That Eats!

I can’t even recall where I found out about this movie. I think I saw the title on a message board somewhere and immediately was like, ‘I HAVE to see this movie!’ It’s funny because I had an idea like this when I was a kid, lying in bed at night thinking ‘children get under the covers to protect themselves from the monster. What if the monster WAS THE BED?!’ Yes, talking about my childhood really does give you a blood-streaked window into my skewed psyche, doesn’t it? It is more likely that said idea came from regular viewings of The Blob and copious amounts of D&D. So, imagine my surprise to discover that when I was having those thoughts, someone had already put them to film. Although, Death Bed: The Bed That Eats would not see an official release for another twenty-six years.

Death Bed is quite a strange case because it maybe the only movie in history to acquire a cult following while never actually having been released. In the DVD introduction, director George Barry explains that he was as shocked as anyone to be on Internet message boards during the nineties and come across conversations from people who had seen the film, even though Death Bed had never seen the light of day. It took some more investigation and correspondence with musician/horror scholar Stephen Thrower to find out that pirated copies of Death Bed had been circulating in Europe for years. Finally, in 2004, the distributor Cult Epics released an official DVD.

Now, onto this delightful oddity of a movie. Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is equal parts ridiculous and hilarious. Now matter how crazy you think this movie could be, the real thing trumps it. I have no trouble seeing why Barry struggled to get this thing distributed, but I’m glad it’s out there now because people need to see this. Death Bed should have been as infamous as Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes. You know what it reminds me of? It plays like one of those faux trailers in Grindhouse, but imagine an entire movie like that. And I don’t mean just your average fare from that era; I mean an entire feature that is as outlandish in its entirety, as it is in trailer form. Even though the movie is drolly narrated by the ghost of one of its victims, the star of the film – and rightly so - is The Bed. And it doesn’t just sit there. It yawns, munches, slurps and even gets indigestion!

I can't MAKE this shit up!

As you would expect, Death Bed is a steady procession of WTF moments. Yellow soap sud digestive juices, wind demons and characters that have whole inward conversations with themselves all add up to a one-of-a-kind experience. Here’s just one example of the absurdity. Two gangsters are playing poker on the bed – I know, strange in itself – and they start getting eaten and fire their guns into the bed sheets. However, it seems that the Mr. Foley quit halfway through the scene and thus no gunshots. Hilarity ensues. Seriously, as much as I could go on about it, Death Bed really needs to be seen to be believed. Barry’s kitchen sink attitude makes me think he must have known he was making a turkey, but it often isn’t served up as such. Yet I wouldn’t want it any other way. To me, I am thankful that we live in a world where movies like Death Bed exist.

My only regret is that I saw this alone. I only wish that I had likeminded people by my side when I watched it. For a get together of b-movie enthusiasts, Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is a must watch.

2009 Preview

January. The start of a new year and a clean slate. Here are my top ten (okay, ten-ish) most anticipated genre films for 2009. I found it much more difficult to rank them this year, so I ended up just listing them alphabetically.

Dead Snow (TBD)
The zombie horror comedy flick has its debut at Sundance this month, so I’m hoping it makes it to at least one of the three festivals in my sphere of influence this year. Judging by the trailer, it looks like some good quality fun.




The Descent: Part 2 (May 15th, UK)
At first, I looked upon this follow-up to the now legendary 2006 film with disdain when I learned Neil Marshall wasn’t returning to direct. Now, after seeing D2 writer James Watkins’ recent genre effort Eden Lake, I feel much better. He’s got the balls to go just as far as his predecessor did.

Drag Me To Hell (May 29th)
A lot of people say Sam Raimi has a lot to answer for after Spiderman 3 and Ghosthouse’s shoddy record. I say 30 Days Of Night evened everything out. Hopefully, his triumphant return to horror will silence all the naysayers. I have my fingers crossed that Mr. Raimi hasn’t contracted Lucas disease from all that time in Hollywood.

Humans/The Pack (TBD)
Since modern French horror exploded onto the scene some years ago with High Tension, genre fans look to the Parisians each year to see what new sick and depraved shit will be soaking their screens. In 2009, it looks like we are getting a double shot with Humans and The Pack. Oh, and Paris By Night Of The Living Dead too. Awesome. I cannot wait!

Jennifer’s Body (Sep 18th)
Though I liked Juno, I’m in no hurry to hear more of Diablo Cody’s over-precocious dialogue. However, the one thing that keeps pulling me in is that Jennifer’s Body also happens to be MEGAN FOX’s body. ‘Nuff said.




The Lovely Bones (Dec 11th)
Peter Jackson’s long awaited indie is finally going to see the light of day in 2009. His return to low budget (well, LOWER budget anyway) horror should be welcomed with open arms. Rachel Weisz is a big draw for me. As for Mark Wahlberg, well… I just hope he can rebound from that whole Happening debacle.

My Bloody Valentine 3-D (Jan 16th)
2009 will be the defining year for 3-D and its viability as a mainstream film format. This remake of the 1981 Canadian slasher is the first on the schedule. I, for one, am stoked. When you can actually get me excited to see a remake, you know you are doing something right. I can’t wait to crack a Moosehead and revisit this old ditty. As a side note, 3-D will also be instituted for the newest Final Destination installment and the upcoming Piranha remake. Gorsh, technology is fun!

Perkins 14 (Jan 9th)
The After Dark Horrorfest lineup has some promising titles this year with this one being the most intriguing. It really sells itself on the premise alone and the fact that the entire thing was written and cast via an online community makes it an interesting experiment. Additionally, The Broken with Lena Headey and the Korean flick Voices also look like pretty cool Horrorfest offerings too.

Whiteout (Sep 11th)
Another graphic novel to film adaptation, this one is a cat-and-mouse thriller set in the Antarctic. My favourite lass Kate Beckinsale stars as a U.S. marshall on the trail of a killer. Love it!






There are also a bunch of titles expected on DVD that I’m looking forward to, as well.

Midnight Movie (Jan 6th)
The premise and cool website sell the movie for me. There have been variations on this theme done in the past, but I’m ready for a new go-round.






Dead In 3 Days (Mar 3rd)
Dimension Extreme is releasing this Austrian slasher in March. It comes highly recommended from a few different sources, so what the hell, I’ll give it a whirl.

Trick r Treat (TBD)
The long shelved horror project finally got a limited Halloween release in 2008, so hopefully a DVD will be here in the spring. I remember seeing a trailer for this, like almost two years ago. Treat was on a few top horror lists of ’08, so I look forward to seeing it.



Splinter (TBD)
I’ve wanted to see this movie for a while now. It had a limited release a few months ago, so the DVD can’t be far behind. Apparently, the gore work is top notch, so that’s always a plus.

And finally, I hope My Name Is Bruce finally makes an appearance on video store shelves. I’ve heard a lot of negative buzz about big B’s little indie, but I’ll reserve judgment until I get my hands on it.

Here’s some other stuff I’d like to see in 2009.

Doghouse
Jake West’s new movie looks good from the trailer, creature design models and great British cast. Get this out already! If it’s ready by September, it’s a shoe-in for Midnight Madness at TIFF, as West is MM alumni (Evil Aliens was here in ’05).




Trailer Trash
Eli Roth’s faux trailer project was #5 on my 2008 list and has all but disappeared from existence since then. I’d still like to see it though. I know Grindhouse was a financial disaster, but this is the kind of thing that can be done on the cheap and really thrive on DVD.

Paranormal Activity
This unconventional little ditty made a big splash at Slamdance last year. There are more than a few people that are tired of the whole cinema verité craze, but this one looks really, really good.

Lastly, I haven’t forgotten about the blockbuster reboot of Universal darling The Wolfman, it’s just that everything I’ve seen so far has been underwhelming. Maybe I’ll get more excited closer to the date.

And away we go!!!


Addendums:

-Friday The 13th is nowhere near this list, for the same reason The Unborn isn’t. A certain dolt named Bay.
-Rob Zombie’s Halloween pretty much killed any momentum he had as a filmmaker, so H2 and Tyrannosaurus Rex are pretty much dead to me.

A Nice Ad For British Tourism

Well, I finally saw the British survivalist flick Eden Lake – one of the last on my list of ’08 festival titles – and here are my thoughts on it.

Steve and Jenny (Kelly Reilly & Michael Fassbender) have a romantic weekend planned out in the English countryside. Unfortunately for them, their getaway is crashed by a gang of unruly youths. When things turn ugly, the couple find themselves in a fight for the lives out in the middle of nowhere.

Even though it does everything well, I can’t help but feel that after France’s ownage of this subgenre over the past few years, that Eden Lake somewhat rings of convention. That isn’t meant as a negative comment, I just fear that because of this Eden Lake will have a hard time having its voice heard. That is precisely why it is the subject of this On The Shelf. The film is well acted, and even though it may seem that the protagonists went out looking for trouble, the story plays out in a relatively plausible way. As frightening as this concept is, it would appear – after hearing several stories from my relatives who live in the UK – that the chaotic behaviour exhibited by the antagonists in Eden Lake is as much a reflection as it is an exaggeration. Hooliganism is becoming an increasing problem and though I am not saying that a few bad apples ruin the whole bunch, it has become a harsh reality that whenever in a confrontation with similar groups of individuals, it is best just to leave it be.

Britain's future?

Anyway, back to Eden Lake. The city vs. country theme has been covered before, perhaps most memorably with classic American works like Deliverance and Straw Dogs, and Eden Lake treads on that same water. And like those perennial works, it is by no means a tame affair. It pulls no punches, wading into extremely dark material. I commend director James Watkins for going that route, because most of his contemporaries (the diabolical Simon Boyes & Adam Mason excluded, of course) like Chris Smith, Jake West and Edgar Wright do like to inject humour into their works. I love them all to be sure, but sometimes it is the bolder choice to leave the comedy at the door. Watkins takes the themes of unchecked human behaviour that he first touched on in his 2002 script for My Little Eye and expands on it here.

Eden Lake is worth a look, as I think it stands up well against its peers. Next up for Watkins, is the sequel to Neil Marshall’s horror 2006 powerhouse The Descent. After seeing Eden Lake, I’m feeling a little bit better about that now.

Two Double-Aught Nine

Here's to a prosperous and...

Talk to ya soon!