Rum Vs. Curacao

Here are some souvenirs from Serena's Freddy Vs. Jason Drunken Cinema screening last night.

Art by Tony Smerek.

Duelling cocktails were on offer. 

So I got both naturally!

Place Your Bets... on gettin' drunk.

The Jason was surprisingly the tastier of the two, despite not really liking either cocoanut or pineapple. Curacao. Who knew? I thought it was a country.

Happy Friday the 13th!

My nocturnal activities this evening.

White Halloween

Another weekend, another horror marathon it seems. This time it was all eight Halloween films. Fortunately, some atrocious weather that day made it very conducive to sitting on my friend Serena's couch for fifteen hours.

Halloween is a series very near and dear to my heart and though it has followed a trajectory similar to Nightmare on Elm Street (start strong, lose itself in sequels then bounce back at Part 7 before being killed by a shitty remake) I was always most intrigued by the lore of The Shape. Michael Myers was seemingly invincible, but I never really saw him as supernatural like Freddy or a zombie monster like Jason. Those two are both powered by vengeance whereas Myers is just evil incarnate.

Anyway, things got rolling about eleven in the morning. We watched all eight films (the pair of Zombie reboots can ess a dee) with some of Halloween related videos curated by Serena in between, such as the Haddonfield-set segment of Body Bags, the Angry Video Game Nerd's review of the Atari 2600 game and the trailer for the XXX version of Halloween (which I certainly did not watch the next day...)

I'm not going to switch up the order this time, so here we go.

So here it is, the mother* of all slashers, John Carpenter's Halloween. I've seen it so many times, watching it is like donning a favourite piece of clothing. This viewing I realized however, was the first time I'd watched it since I visited the actual locations. It was a little surreal.

If I was asked to make a list of my favourite scenes from horror movies the iconic bit where Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) is locked out of her house while Myers (then played by Nick Castle) strides across toward her would be among the top. I even remember re-enacting that scene with a childhood friend of mine using my backyard gate. I first saw this movie when I was about six, so it was likely the film that introduced me the art of suspense.

What else can I say that already hasn't been said? It's a masterpiece.

For me, Halloween I & II are like one long movie. I understand their tones are completely different, Carpenter's was about suspense & atmosphere and the sequel's full-on slasher, but to me they're intrinsically linked. The sequel was still a fairly new concept in 1981, so a horror movie - or any movie for that matter - picking up right where the last movie left off was extremely exciting to me as a kid. After my family got our first VCR, I would often watch the first two movies back-to-back.

As a child, I didn't notice part II wasn't as well made as its predecessor, or that Curtis was wearing a wig - something Serena never stops giving me shit for - I just obviously responded to the higher body count. Oh and the therapy tub scene. I'm thinking Pamela Susan Shoop may have been the first time I got a good look at onscreen boobies.

Ahem, where was I? Part II brought up several topics of contention. Aside from said wig, there was also talk of whether Jimmy still lived in the theatrical version (as we know he does in the TV version) and whether or not Shoop's character could be killed that quickly by boiling water. I say absolutely, as holding my breath is the last thing I'm going to be thinking about while my face is peeling away.

Halloween III is the black sheep of the family. In theory, the idea to turn Halloween into a one-off anthology series was intriguing, but in the eighties fans wanted to see their favourite slashers stalk the screen. Part III was much maligned when it first came out, but has since gained favour with the horror community. This is good because it's a pretty bad-ass movie with some mean gore and frankly nihilistic attitude. And the Silver Shamrock jingle is almost as iconic as the Halloween theme itself. 

After this misstep, the producers regrouped for six years before bringing The Shape back to the screen.

I have a special place in my heart for Part 4 because it was the first one I ever got to see in the theatre. I was fourteen and my brother & I went to the local multiplex to see it. I still remember bobbing in my seat when the theme kicked in as Myers was being wheeled out to the ambulance in the pouring rain. 

I was crushing on both Rachel (Ellie Cornell) and Kelly (Kathleen Kinmont) and I think Danielle Harris gave one of the best child performances I've ever seen. It's pretty ridiculous what they put that kid through over the course of two movies and it's a miracle that she wasn't scarred for life. Like the Friday films, it was very fortunate that even though they switched out the dude playing Myers every film, they always seemed to hit pay dirt.

I really like that ending too. It has a cyclical element to it that really would have been a good image to finish on. But you know how things go in this business.

Part 5 was where things went south for this franchise. I mean, you could blame the fact that they rushed the movie out, but it goes deeper than that. Fundamentally, there are some huge problems here. I believe the most perturbing for me is how unceremoniously Rachel was dispatched from the series. It was shocking, but it throws off the rest of the movie. We're left to hang out with the most annoying characters. Tina (Wendy Kaplan) should've been dead by the second act yet she sticks around foooorever. I mean, that barn sequence seemed to go on for half the movie.

SMDH

I think the other problem was Myers. While this was also where the production started having problems with the mask (tuck it in for fuck's sake!!!) it also showed a change in Myers' behaviour. That prolonged sequence where he's pretending to be Tina's boyfriend was just so out of place. It's one thing to put a sheet over your head, but another thing entirely to drive her around for ten fucking minutes.

This is also where they set up the Man in Black which leads us into Halloween's second biggest misstep.

The conclusion of the Thorn trilogy was a mess for many reasons, but mainly it was due to the competing visions of the director and producer. We watched the theatrical because it's gorier and (somewhat) less convoluted. It's not a good movie, but I think the bigger faux pas was trying to explain what Myers actually was. It's never a good thing to throw light on the monster.

Funny, never noticed that before Part 5...

I liked that they brought back George P. Wilbur as Myers and it's funny to see Paul Rudd in a horror flick, so there were some pluses. However, there are far more offensive things about Curse. How Jamie (now played by J.C. Brandy) was dispatched was really offside (I can only imagine how upsetting it would've been if it was actually Harris splayed out on that farm equipment) and the allusion that her baby was born of incest with Myers was just fucking gross, guys. 

Then, there's the sad passing of Donald Pleasance shortly after shooting which means the last memory of the iconic Dr. Loomis is, depending on which version you watch, him either standing outside the hospital looking lost or screaming in anguish. It's really unfortunate.

So hey guys, remember those last three movies. They never happened! H20 is twenty years after Part II and Laurie (aka Karen Tate) is now living in California.

Being post-Scream, it does have that air to it - I mean, look at the poster ffs - but this movie was a return to form. Curtis is fantastic, as is the supporting cast which included Michelle Williams, Josh Hartnett and Adam Arkin. I still can't believe all the bumbling around with the Myers mask - like how is this shit not sorted before you go to camera? - but the last act of H20 really makes up for the last two movies.

I love the moment where Laurie has a chance to leave, but she's like, no we're ending this now. Curtis fights the boogeyman and wins once and for all. Right? No? Shit.

I have to admit I had never watched this one. I had heard what happens in the first & last scenes and quickly pressed the boycott button. The explanation about how Myers was still alive after H20 is laughable. Watching this movie now was painful. I'd rather re-watch Hellraiser: Hellworld than this.

I hear that is was actually the Halloween Internet fan-sites that helped get this made. Fuck, fanboys (and girls) are our own worst enemy. This was a steaming pile. After three movies, THIS is how you kill off Laurie? And why are there catacombs under the Myers house now?

The biggest surprise for me was that the “trick or treat muthafucka” bit was not the dumbest scene involving Busta Rhymes. That comes when he & Myers are both standing masked and face-to-face. After Rhymes lays down some smack talk, Myers just wanders away. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! There is no universe where Rhymes doesn't take a knife to the face during this exchange. So fucking stupid. And this is how the series sputtered out. What a waste.

I was doing great the entire marathon, but after the brain-numbing shitshow that was Resurrection, I just curled up into a fetal position on the couch and went to sleep.

This Halloween, we have another iteration coming out. This one apparently ret-cons everything after the 1978 film, which I guess means that Laurie & Michael are no longer even related. I'm still iffy on the writer/director, but Curtis is in and to some capacity, so is Carpenter so I'm giving it a chance.

It has to be better than Resurrection. IT HAS TO.

*Let's call Black Christmas (1974) the “grandmother” of all slashers.

Fred-A-Thon

No sooner had I recovered from Laser Blast's Hellraiser marathon, my friend Serena hosted a similar event for the Nightmare On Elm Street franchise. Eight movies in fifteen hours. That's a lot of one-liners, folks!

I grew up with Freddy Krueger, and though I really responded to him then, I've found as I've gotten older I have lost touch with the films. I often re-watch entries of the Friday the 13th and Halloween (the first three anyway) series, but it's been decades since I've seen the middle chunk of the Nightmare series.

Serena put her own flourishes on the event, with fifteen minutes of old Freddy videos, promos and other parodies in between each feature. We even watched the origin story episode of Freddy's Nightmares, No More Mr. Nice Guy between Parts 4 & 5.

When you view all his content at once, you can really see how ingrained Freddy (brought so wonderfully to life by Robert Englund) was in the public consciousness back then. He might not have the same resonance with younger generations now, but in the late eighties/early nineties he was as ubiquitous as Santa Claus. He even had his own telephone number!

I called it yesterday for shit and giggles, but sadly it is no longer in service. Thankfully though, a kid recorded a bunch of them with his Darth Vader microphone back in the day. Can you imagine what happened when his parents got the phone bill??? 

Let's get back to the task at hand though. We kicked things off at eleven a.m with Wes Craven's 1984 classic, A Nightmare on Elm Street. 

It still remains my favourite. Craven envisioned a film with a killer concept. Freddy was a boogeyman that wasn't held back by the same constraints as his contemporaries like Jason and Michael. Everybody has to sleep eventually. I also love the dream-like quality of the film itself. It has a pace that makes it inherently watchable and Heather Langenkamp as Nancy still remains one of the greatest final girls of all time.

Heather Langenkamp in A Nightmare on Elm Street.

It was during this movie that we reached our first point of contention. Serena & I have watched this movie together a few times now and every time, she can't help but bring up how terrible Ronee Blakely's acting is as Nancy's mom. I don't see it myself. I never really thought about it growing up. I guess I just figured her glazed-over expression was from years of drinking from linen closet vodka bottles. Serena tells me I'm in the minority. Maybe so. It's still my favourite.

I think rather than go in chronological order (which was how we watched them, no Kirstie tricks this time!) I'm going to rank them from my best to worst. Which leads me to-- (cue Dokken)

Nightmare 3: Dream Warrrr-i-orrrs! I think it's safe to say this is the movie launched that Freddy into the pop culture stratosphere. The first sequel hadn't been as well received, so this one was considered to be a return to form. It had a great hook with teenagers who were ready to fight and benefitted from some great direction by Chuck Russell, who followed this up with one of the best horror remakes of all time, The Blob. 

With the three-pronged awesomeness of Screaming Mad George's effects, Angelo Badalementi's score and the tandem of Patricia Arquette as Kristen, along with the returning Langenkamp, this movie delivers in every way. Oh, they finally bent to peer pressure and put some honest-to-goodness boobies onscreen, as well.

Right under Dream Warriors for me, is the follow-up Nightmare 4: The Dream Master.

It had been a long time since I'd seen this, but it really held up for me. This one was the first Nightmare movie I was able to see in theatres, so it holds a special resonance with me. A lot of people (including some in attendance) don't like the fact that the survivors of the previous movie are killed off – a possible response to Arquette's absence – but surprisingly I'm okay with it. It might have something do with the fact that the Dream Master's roster of teens were equally as likable. Alice (Lisa Wilcox) who inherits Kristen's powers, her brother Rick (Andras Jones) who deserved a better death and Debbie (Brooke Theiss) who had great taste in music were easy to root for. I may have had a small crush on Tuesday Knight (Arquette's replacement as Kirsten) as well.

Tuesday Knight in Nightmare 4: The Dream Master

But it goes deeper than the cast. I feel Part 4 was when the effects – shepherded by gore guru Kevin Yagher – hit their peak with the Crave Inn, roach motel and Freddy's death sequences. In addition to the rocking soundtrack – the best of the bunch – I thought Renny Harlin also brought a real energy to it. I think Part 3 & 4 link together as well as 1 & 3, and 1 & 7 do.

Part 4 was the most commercial of the franchise, which is likely the reason it was, at least until Freddy vs Jason came along anyway, the highest grossing one.

Moving on from the eighties for a bit, we get to the seventh movie in the franchise, Nightmare 7: New Nightmare.

This was a really interesting film that was way ahead of its time. Though it may not have as been as well received as it should've been, Craven laid the self-aware horror seeds that would germinate two years later with Scream. Watching it within twelve(!) hours of the first one, you really notice all the wonderful callbacks to the first film.

It's a great piece of work with some really cool ideas with a retooled Freddy make-up that didn't suck. I have to say that are a few characters in this series I was sad to see killed off and Julie, Nancy's nanny (Tracy Middendorf) was certainly one of them. But I guess somebody had to recreate Tina's death from the first film.

Fifth on the list is Nightmare 2: Freddy's Revenge.

Man, this movie is chock full of gay. It's been talked about at length in the exhaustive Nightmare documentary Never Sleep Again, but it still wows me that anyone could contend this wasn't intentional. Homoerotism permeates almost every frame of this movie. Sweaty dudes. The Probe board game in Jesse's (Mark Patton) closet. The rainbow sticker in a random car window. And then lines like;

Jesse: He's inside me, and he wants to take me again!

Jesse: I'm scared, Grady. Something is trying to get inside my body.

Grady: Yeah, and she's female, and she's waiting for you in the cabana. And you wanna sleep with me.

I could go on. Aside from that though, this movie was a strange way to follow up the original film. It may have not been as well received on release, but time and re-evaluation have warmed to it, much like they have to Halloween III.

I also noticed two connections to the Hellraiser series, as lead actress Kim Myers (or Meryl Streep lite as I like to call her) was also Hellraiser 4 and composer Christopher Young did scores for the sophomore efforts of both franchises. Just a little trivia for you there.

Next on the list was the last movie we watched that night, Freddy vs. Jason.

Quality-wise, this is where we start our sharp decline. This movie is largely a mess, but I can't help but marvel that this finally happened after over a decade of half-starts and discarded scripts that included everything from a Freddy cult – which actually sounds a lot like Hellraiser 7 – to Freddy being revealed as Jason's father. Freddy vs. Jason is problematic, because every good thing is counteracted by something shitty. Jason on fire at the cornfield rave is great. The previous scene where Jason ostensibly “saves” Gibb (Katherine Isabelle) from being date-raped by skewering her is... not so great.

There's also the fact that this movie features some of the worst dialogue of both franchises. Choice cuts like Lori's (Monica Keena) epiphanous;

Wait a minute! Freddy died by fire. Jason by water. How can we use that?

Or when Blake (David Kopp) lets us know he narrowly escaped death from Freddy's as yet non-corporeal glove by needlessly exclaiming;

I'm okay! I'm all right!

And let's just forget anything that comes out of Kia's (Kelly Rowland) mouth. Obviously, the biggest faux-pas is that Kane Hodder wasn't cast as Jason Voorhees. They went with Ken Kirzinger, who was a tall fucker to be sure, but just doesn't have the swagger. Also, I really didn't care for the design of Jason and the blackened glossy look of his head.

Having said all of that, the final fight between the two of them made it all the crap worthwhile. They beat the ever living shit out of each other, battling to an inevitable stalemate.

Now we move onto the legitimately bad ones with Nightmare 5: The Dream Child.

I think it had been even longer than Part 4 since I had seen this one. I remember being disappointed, but was willing to give it a chance. Fellow marathon participant Matt Therrien spent a good deal of the first four movies talking about how much he hated Part 5. He's right, it's not good, but still better than some of the entries in the Hellraiser & Halloween franchises.

I was actually on board for the first half of this movie. I still dig the Dan (Danny Hassel) and Greta (Erika Andersen) death sequences – though they were cut down in the theatrical version we watched – but yeah pretty much when Jacob (Whit Hertford) shows up, the movie takes a nose dive.

Freddy (Robert Englund) & Jacob (Whit Hertford)

The franchise had been playing fast and loose with Freddy's weaknesses, but this one just gets nonsensical. Lisa Wilcox, reprising her role as Alice, tried her best to hold things together, but the last act of this movie has already left my brain. It's evident that the franchise was running out of ideas. They should have sent Freddy to space and got ahead of the trend!

After much thought – it really was a dead heat – I have to say Nightmare 6: Freddy's Dead is my least favourite of the bunch.

An unpopular opinion, as most in attendance thought Dream Child was the biggest stink pile, but I'm not convinced. Freddy's Dead seems so apart from the rest of the series and bordering on parody. There are callbacks to the series, but they are so on-the-nose and not nearly as clever and fluid as they are in Part 7. And this Escape From New York opening was so ridiculous.

It also featured the worst sequence in any of the movies – Spencer's (Breckin Meyer) video game death scene. This shit was so fucking dumb that it literally hurt my eyes to look at it.

I spoke about that Cops vs Cenobites scene in Hellraiser 3 was what broke that franchise. Well, that “great graphics!” scene is Nightmare's equivalent. I'll take anything in Part 5 over that idiocy.

Oh, I forgot to mention. In keeping with Serena's movie night traditions, Freddy's Dead (and New Nightmare) were also drinking games with the usual personal and secret drinking rules.

Nine, Ten... Never drink again...

So yes, this is what you would call taking it up a notch. I'll tell you one thing about this movie. You'll really notice just how much Doc (Yaphet Kotto) says the word “dream” in this movie when you have take a swig every time he does so.

I will say there were two glaring positives to Freddy's Dead though. To my surprise, the Girl #2 of this entry, Tracy (Lezlie Deane) survived the movie. I was happy about that. Second, the last act – the 3D section – brought me back in. I remember seeing this back in 1991 – after my brother snuck me into the Drive-In – in all its 3D glory, so that was a nice bit of nostalgia.

So, just after the clock chimed two a.m, there remained just three dream warriors in Serena, Matty and myself. It was good to revisit some of them and in terms of overall quality, I think it beats out the Hellraiser franchise. Nightmare has more of a through line and none of the re-appropriation that befell Clive Barker's baby.

Oh, and in case you're wondering about the remake. We didn't do that one. Michael Bay can ess a dee.

I'm not sure what will be up next. I think Halloween is on tap for next October, and maybe I'll pitch the Fridays for the fourtieth anniversary. Until then, sweet dreams, kiddies.

Best Friday!

It's Friday the 13th yo! And an October one at that!

There are tons of things going on this evening, including screenings of not one, not two, but three various installments of Friday the 13th. I am of course partial to Drunken Cinema's event for Part VII.

But whatever you do this evening, have a great Goddamn time!

#StabAThon

It's gonna be a day of recuperation today. My friend Serena had one of her movie drinking game affairs last night and everyone got wrecked.

That's right, somehow I was able to drink my way through all four Scream movies. And with rules like; drink every time someone screams, a phone rings or there's a movie reference that is no easy feat. We didn't all make it.

Do you want to die tonight?

Those cups of bad news were for the secret rules when peeps got caught for stuff like; mentioning a TV show any of the actors were in, feeling sorry for Randy, or pondering just what the fuck was going on with Courteney Cox's hair in Part 3...

This edition was pretty epic. And the cookies were good too.

So, now I rest.

Double Dose of Friday!

It was Friday the 13th last weekend and there were two - count 'em - TWO separate screening events in T.O. The first was a Drunken Cinema event for Jason Takes Manhattan.

Art by Trevor Henderson

The event featured creator Serena Whitney's usual deck of drinking rules and appropriate props and the movie went over well with the packed house.

It had been a while since I watched Part 8 and it seemed even more absurd to me this time around. That sounds funny to say since logic has never really entered into this series, but there's stuff in this movie that makes Jason's fight with Tina “Carrie” Shephard in Part 7 and his jaunt to space in Part 10 seem almost plausible by comparison.

Part 8 is the movie where Jason's third jolt of electricity somehow also levels up his teleportation skills. I'm sure it was supposed to be a production in-joke, as it would explain why the filmmakers also seemed to thumb their noses at the timeline. Rennie was able to time-travel back to the sixties (to see kid Jason in the lake) and then come back for her high school grad party in the late-eighties? And don't even get me started on the toxic waste in the New York system and Jason's death-morph back into his child self.

Regardless of that, the little time that we do get in New York does give us some of the most colourful sequences of the series. And it's got Kelly Hu!

Video courtesy of Drunken Cinema

Following that, I made my way over to the Carlton for the sold-out screening of Jason Lives, the sixth part in the series. This was a really lively affair with many “Jasons” in attendance.

Judging from all the screams at the jump scares, there were a lot of people who had not either seen this installment or horror movies in general, so it was really fun. 

Photo courtesy of Imagine Carlton Cinemas.

Part 6 is one of the better in the series I think. The conclusion of the Tommy Jarvis arc gives the movie weight, and I think you care about the “fodder” characters a bit more than this one. Unlike some other installments, there aren't really any antagonistic characters in this one (no bikers from Part 3 and no bitchy characters like Melissa in Part 7 and Tamara from Part 8) so they are inherently more likable as a group. Director Tom McLaughlin was right to give this one a slightly wry bent after the overtly sleazy nature of the previous installment.

I had a blast. Even though there are better single installments in other slasher franchises (Halloween, NOES), as an entire series, the Fridays are what I have always considered home. Except Part 9. Part 9 can fuck off.

The next Friday the 13th is in October, so that's yet another reason to look forward to Halloween!