Repent Your Sins.

Blood River is the newest film by the diabolical duo of Adam Mason and Simon Boyes. I missed it at this year’s Fantasia Festival and was glad to recently get my hands on a screener.


After Clark (Ian Duncan) & Summer (Tess Panzer) find themselves stranded while driving across the Nevadan desert, they meet up with a drifter named Joseph (Andrew Howard) who is quick to offer help, but may have other motives in mind.

First off, Blood River looks fantastic. This is Mason’s most visually ambitious film to date. With his previous efforts confined to small areas, River is the complete antithesis of that. It actually reminded me a lot of Richard Stanley’s 1992 film Dust Devil, although this is a tad more coherent than that was. I’m always impressed with films that can hold my interest when only using a few characters. It takes a special kind of writer (or in this case, writers) to do that. What I found even more intriguing was the shifts in control between Clark, Summer and Joseph. It gave the movie a lot more depth than I was initially expecting. The performance of Andrew Howard is really the strength of River though. We glimpsed his range in 2006’s The Devil’s Chair, but here he is completely set free. He has an ability to go from helpful stranger to frothing mad dog at the drop of a beat-up old cowboy hat.

Do not fuck with this man.

The only real criticism I can offer is that Summer was a bit too trusting for a good deal longer than she should have been, but that’s a minor qualm. I also wasn’t crazy about the ending at first, though I think it’s growing on me. If it had been spelled out, it might not have stuck with me for as long as it did.

Blood River is yet another title in this current swing of pitch black films from the British. For a while, it seemed our English imports – like Shaun Of The Dead, Severance & Evil Aliens – were heavy on the comedy. However, coming on their heels are unabashedly extreme outings like The Descent, Eden Lake & The Children. I wonder what the cause of this is? Could it be indicative of the climate in the UK, or perhaps the nasty attitudes of French horror cinema have made their way across the Channel? Though I guess that should have no bearing on Mason & Boyes as they are now living in the States and frankly, have always been maniacs. If you’ve seen their previous works, you know they don’t fuck around. While it is true that The Devil’s Chair had some dark comedy in it, it was only to butter you up for when they hit you with the last act.

Blood River might not be for some with its slow pace and somewhat ambiguous nature, but I think this is definitely their strongest effort yet. If you listen to Mason & Boyes’ podcast on Twitch, you know how many irons they have in the fire right now and I’m looking forward to each and every one of them.

40 Years Of Absurdity!

Happy Fourtieth Anniversary Monty Python! Thanks for keeping me laughing all these years!

Don't Kill The Messenger XXXI

Got some important stuff to do today (and by stuff, I mean some Uncharted 2 multiplayer demo action), so I'll keep the intro brief. Here's some bits I thought were noteworthy this week.

Blu-Tips.

There's a show on the Revision 3 network called HD Nation, which basically showcases all things high definition. During last week's episode, Ryan Connolly from Film Riot (another show on the network about DIY filmmaking tactics) dropped by to list his top horror Blu-rays. I'm on board with most of his picks, though I am curious to know which "people" in their right mind would "bash" American Werewolf In London and why he thinks The Descent is Australian, but hey, we all make mistakes. All is forgiven because The Orphanage is also on his list. J.A. Bayona's debut is not only a fantastic film, but also one of the best Hi-Def transfers out there. Here is the episode below. You can skip to about 6:45 if you want to get right to it.



A New Trailer.

Well, a trailer has arrived for the remake of George A. Romero's 1973 flick The Crazies. And I have to say it's looking pretty good. Poor decision making on the song choice though, as the Donnie Darko tune has already been pillaged once. Let's not make a habit of this guys, there's tons of other eighties songs out there to cover. Anyway, take a look.



The Walking Dead Are Coming... To AMC.

So, a while back it was announced that Frank Darabont had been tapped to bring Robert Kirkman's long running comic series The Walking Dead to the small screen. Recently, MTV interviewed Kirkman, asking about his involvement, his thoughts on Darabont coming aboard and how they are going to deal with the restraints of network television. Click on the image below to read the interview.

Enjoy The Little Things.

When I first saw the Zombieland trailer, I remember thinking that it could be fun. My friend Schwartz was a little more skeptical,

“You know what this looks like?” he said. “Studio suits, sitting around a table and saying, okay what's hot right now? Zombies? All right, let's throw some money at a star and get something flashy out, pronto.”

And yes, I can see that. I could figure that out just from the massive advertising blitz that Zombieland has received. I mean, my twelve-year-old niece wants to see this thing for God's sake.

Soft spoken wimp Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) and bad ass zombie killer Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) are travelling east after a zombie apocalypse and meet up with Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), who are on their way to a theme park that is rumoured to be free of the undead.

Zombieland is a lot of fun. It doesn't try to reinvent the wheel, it just gives you the standard post-modern zombie apocalypse scenario and plunks down some colourful characters in it for you to enjoy. The gore is fairly cartoony and employs a lot of CG – some of it not so great – but I can forgive that considering the practical effects are fairly decent. The cast here is perfect, especially Harrelson who looks like he was having a blast every minute of this shoot. It certainly sounds like Zombieland had an effect on him. I know that a lot of socially awkward guys will see some of themselves in the Eisenberg's character, as well. Stone & Breslin mesh well with their male counterparts, making for some good comedy. Which brings me to the dialogue. A lot of it is quite funny and really feels true. If we were suddenly cut off from all our everyday conveniences, would we often reminisce about them? I think we would. There were moments where Zombieland did look like it was trying a little too hard though. The device of the pop-up graphics became a little overdone by the fifteen-minute mark, so it was good they held back on them after that point. I will say that the credit sequence featuring slow-mo zombie attacks to the tune of Metallica's “For Whom The Bell Tolls” was pretty awesome.

The voice over does seem like a contrivance, but I think it works here for the most part. The half survival guide, half boy trying to find love narrative of Columbus almost comes off as charming. This could be because I fall into the group of people that I think this movie is speaking to. You know, the kind sitting at their desk at ten-thirty on a Monday morning almost wishing for a zombie plague, if only to break up the monotony. Zombieland is another in a growing trend of genre movies that have a running time at eighty to ninety minutes. I applaud that. I'm not saying that three-hour movies aren't fine – Inglourious Basterds will likely end up being my top film of 2009 – but there's something to be said for movies that get in, do their thing and get out.

Even though it shares some of the same elements as Shaun Of The Dead – which seems to be the knee jerk comparison – I don't feel that Zombieland will become as relevant as that Brit zom-rom-com still remains. So, in the end Schwartz was right. Zombieland is empty popcorn entertainment, but that doesn't stop it from being one hell of a good time.

From A To Zombie.

With Zombieland hitting theatres this Friday, the walking dead are as popular as ever. So, I thought I'd drop a few appropriately themed links for you to devour at your leisure.

Fellow blogger Cory Cosciato just unveiled a slick new re-design for his zombie site The Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse earlier this week. The IZA is your one-stop shop for zombie news, whether it be movies, gaming, web videos or literature.

If you want a resource for weathering the zombie Armageddon, look no further than the Zombie Survival & Defense Wiki. It has everything you'll need to know to stay one step ahead of the undead.


Want a little more levity with your flesh eaters? Check out the humourous bit "5 Reasons You Secretly Want A Zombie Apocalypse." from Cracked.com. I certainly spied some similar daydreams in there.

To keep tabs on zombie sightings around the world, check out this MAP on Undeadreport.com. If any of these events have happened near you -- MOVE!!!

That's it for now. Hope to see you when the ESS hits the EFF!

Waking To A Nightmare.

Earlier this year the movie Pandorum popped up on my radar. Even though director Paul W.S. Anderson (who acted as producer on this film) may not have the best track record with genre fans – even though I personally find the Resident Evil films to quite entertaining – the ambiguous trailer for the film definitely piqued my interest. After a fairly sizable ad campaign (for a genre film that isn’t Saw anyway), Pandorum has made its way into theatres.

When Cpl. Bower (Ben Foster) and Lt. Payton (Dennis Quaid) suddenly awake from their cryo-sleep on the spaceship Elysium, they go about trying to recover their lost memories and find out why they seem to be the only people left on the ship.

I don’t know if it’s that we’ve been spoiled this year with some really awesome science fiction like District 9 and Moon, but I thought Pandorum was a bit of a misfire. Although its ideas were lofty, it gets bogged down in a mess of science-fiction conventions. Much of the film is as clunky as the dying ship and almost every scene introduces a new character whose quick to clumsily spout exposition. Although, to be fair I did become more interested once Nadia (played by German actress Antje Traue) came into the picture.

Nadia getting her Descent on.

On the plus side, the look of the film IS impressive. The ship’s interior, while not entirely original, feels like a hulking, breathing beast and the creature designs are pretty cool, especially the little guy we glimpse in the trailer. There is also some neat futuristic gear on display, as well. I would love to get my hands on one of those laser shavers! After all is said and done though, there are just some things that didn’t add up for me. Normally I’d let a lot of that shit slide, but considering how high concept Pandorum tries to be, I have to scrutinize. I don’t want to blame the director Christian Alvart, as I suspect – and I could very well be wrong on this – maybe there were too many cooks in the kitchen here. The performances are okay, but poor Foster has to carry most of the movie on his back.


I don’t mean to be as harsh as I sound. Pandorum is definitely watchable fare, but I don’t think it lived up to the promise of its trailer. Maybe I was expecting too much. It made me hope for something like Anderson’s 1997 film Event Horizon, but what I got was a far cry from that. Starting with the 2007 underrated gem Sunshine, the current state of straight-up science fiction has a very high standard, so you have to bring your A-game if you want to impress me nowadays.

Don't Kill The Messenger XXX

That's #30. Get your mind out of the gutter. Welcome to the hungover edition of DKTM. Let's get right to it, the couch is beckoning.

Fantastic Trailers Abound.

Fantastic Fest is underway in Austin, TX and to celebrate they (and G4) have been holding a competition called UWE BOLL'S TOTALLY AWESOME VIDEO GAMES. Entrants are charged with creating a faux-trailer for a video game movie adaptation to be judged by the Dr. Boll himself. Here below are some of my favourite submissions.











Can You Hear Me Now?

The invention of cell phone technology has been the bane of horror movie screenwriters everywhere. But fear not, for every new problem births an accompanying cliché. Behold!



Thanks AOTS!

Cronenberg + MC Hammer = Internet Gold.

I don't know how they ever thought to do this, but I'm glad they did. Click on the image to be redirected. Sorry, the sound seems to be a little off for some reason.