Going Back To Church.

The Final Girl Film Club selection this month is Michele Soavi's The Church. This was a flick I hadn't seen since my video store days, so I was more than happy to revisit it.


In 12th century Italy, an entire village is massacred after being accused of witchcraft. They are buried in a mass grave and a church is built over it to imprison their souls. Seven hundred years later, the seal is broken, releasing the angry spirits onto the unsuspecting congregation above.

I don't know, I kind of remember this movie being... better. I mean, the story is fairly interesting and the gore is there, as well as the effed up imagery we've come to expect from Soavi, but for me there was something missing. I just didn't find it as clever or as enjoyable as some of his other efforts like Dellamorte Dellamorre or Stage Fright. The biggest thing I had forgotten was just how long it takes to get going. After opening strong, it is a full fourty-five minutes before things are firing on all cylinders again. The hallmark of Italian horror is its set pieces and The Church has those in spades, but it doesn't come together as a cohesive whole for me.


The Church is unofficially known as the third entry in the Demons series of films, but Soavi has denounced that in the past. He had loftier ambitions for his film, than just being a trashy sequel. I respect him for that, but in doing so, I think he may have taken some of the fun out of it. I didn't feel that The Church was as entertaining as either of the first two Demons movies. It was technically superior by leaps and bounds, but more enjoyable? No. The Church spends the first half of the movie introducing us to the dozen or so characters who work there, and then in the last thirty minutes, floods the movie with random tourist chaff to be offed in the blink of an eye. Demons at least, gave us all our characters up front, set them up and then got to knocking them off by the second act. Did you care about them more? Not really. But at least we'd been with all of them for a while.


Seeing Asia Argento again at the tender age of thirteen was a hoot, as we all know the smoldering siren she became. The Church is beautiful to look at, has its moments and is unmistakably Soavi, but frankly, I think he's done better.

Don't Kill The Messenger 87

While I am doing a backup for my ailing PS3, let me get to this week's interesting items.

Sonic Gialli

My buddy Darryl sent me a link to a cool musician's site this week. It is shocking to me that I'd never heard of Umberto before, as their stuff is right up my alley. The band, based out of Kansas City, takes the Italian-electro vibe pioneered by Goblin and runs with it. The result is some trippy stuff that would totally seem at home in any Argento film. Check out some samples below.




You can also see some live footage of Umberto from Halloween 2009 by clicking here. To check out Umberto's Myspace (I know, right?) page, you can go here.

Strange New Worlds.

I wanted to pass along something that I found on Rue Morgue's news feed recently. It is a link to the site of graphic artist Sean Hartter, who has a penchant for creating movie posters from alternate realities. By that I mean, what if Alfred Hitchcock had made Halloween? Would its poster have looked something like this?


Neat, eh? Here are some more interesting ones.


To check out the rest of Hartter's stuff, click here.

It's Getting Bigger!

As you may remember me saying, last year's Fan Expo was a logistical clusterfuck. It was a record turnout, held in a smaller space, so egregiously long lines were prevelant all weekend. A lot of people were even turned away at the door! Well, event coordinators Aman Gupta & James Armstrong have seemingly learned from their mistake and have taken strides to rectify the situation. This year, the Fan Expo has not only booked a larger space - the whole Metro Convention Centre South Building - but has also extended the convention an entire day. Fan Expo 2011 will now spread its geekdom over four days, running this August 25-28. It's gonna be huge! For more info on the Expo, click here.

A Tale Of Three Hotties.

With Zack Snyder’s Sucker Punch approaching – in sixty-nine days, nine hours, but who’s counting? – I realized that I knew nothing about the movie’s star Emily Browning. A search on Imdb yielded a few titles, but the one that caught my eye was the 2009 horror flick, The Uninvited. This was, of course the American remake of the 2003 South Korean film A Tale of Two Sisters. I remember The Uninvited being out in theatres, but the combination of its bland trailer and my having had my fill of Asian redos by that point kept me away.

Now I have a good reason to give it a look. Err… Research.


After a stint in a psychiatric ward, Anna (Emily Browning) returns home and begins having visions of her dead mother trying to warn her about her father’s new flame Rachel (Elizabeth Banks). When Anna and her sister Alex (Arielle Kebbel) start to investigate, they discover their stepmother-to-be may not be who she appears.

The most obvious thing to do here would be to compare The Guard Brothers’ remake with the original film. However, the funny thing is that I can’t remember Ji-woon Kim’s version. I can recall seeing A Tale of Two Sisters at The Royal circa 2005 and really liking it, but for some reason the only memories I have of the film are the scare set pieces, which were naturally all ported over to the Hollywood incarnation. That said, I feel The Uninvited does work remarkably better than some of the other titles (like Pulse and One Missed Call) that came out during the tail end of the Asian remake free-for-all.


It is a shame that the marketing did nothing to distinguish The Uninvited from the status quo of languid PG-13 remakes like Prom Night and When A Stranger Calls because I think it has more to offer. The performances are good across the board and though the narrative is fairly by the numbers, it all functions as it should. I also found the score to be a lot more memorable than is often thrust out with standard Hollywood machinations. The movie is ultimately still middle of the road, but at least I – due to my Tale of Two Sisters memory blockage – didn’t see the ending coming. I generally have to tip my hat to any movie that can dupe me, unless it’s something like The Perfect Getaway, where the twist was completely disingenuous.


The Uninvited didn’t knock my socks off, but it is definitely watchable fare. I wonder if Zack Snyder casting Browning as Babydoll had anything to do with her performance as a mental patient here. If so, had Sucker Punch come a tad later, I wonder if Synder’s gaze would’ve shifted to it-girl-of-the-moment Amber Heard, after seeing her in John Carpenter’s upcoming film The Ward.

I would have no complaints either way.

Well, What Can You Say?

Anyone who grew up in the eighties will no doubt remember that going to the video store was a treat and akin to visiting the arcade or your favourite restaurant. Now I'm talking about the early eighties here, before Cockbuster came in and homogenized the market. It should not surprise you in the least – this very blog being proof positive – that once inside those vintage video libraries, I would make a beeline for the most colourful in the store. Well, the ones that weren't hidden behind a curtain anyway. I absorbed all those wonderfully decadent coverboxes and locked them away in my mind for future reference. Unfortunately, as the mom & pop stores dried up, so did my access to the more obscure horror titles, at least in the burb I was living in. I didn't see what was behind the bloody covers of Maniac, Cannibal Holocaust and Deep Red until I was well into my twenties, after finally discovering the giant big city archives of Queen and Suspect Video.

Misspent youth? I think not.

Then there was David Durston's 1970 horror I Drink Your Blood. Its coverbox stood out when I first eyed it. The marketers, at least for this particular edition, decided, instead of art, to just slap a shot from the movie on the cover. A shot which just happened to be someone in mid-decapitation! I'd love to show you this cover, but it seems to have disappeared off the face of the 'Net – much like the movie soon did from video store shelves. The only cover I can find now is this--

Not really as schlockly as an actual head in flight now, is it?

Fast forward almost twenty-five years, and what does The Bloor announce as its inaugural title in its new B-Movie Fest programme? Why, I Drink Your Blood, of course. This was fate telling me it was finally time to cross this one off the master list.

The inhabitants of a small town are set upon by a band of hippie Satanists. Things only get worse when they are subsequently infected with rabies and start thirsting for blood.

I Drink Your Blood was pretty much what I was expecting. It was good for a few laughs, though I have to admit I was expecting a little more gore. Considering it was made during the heyday of H.G. Lewis, I figured there would be some one-upmanship going on, but I Drink Your Blood rarely reaches those lofty blood-soaked heights. I was surprised however about how dialogue heavy the movie's top half was. I was like, 'wow, they're actually trying to tell a story here, good for them.' Then the shit hit the fan and it fell into chaos with countless characters running every which way.


It may shock you to learn this, but I don’t think the creators of I Drink Your Blood were too concerned about the science of their plot devices. I'm pretty sure rabies isn't an STD, or STI as the kids are calling them these days. However, I do have to relent on the whole hydrophobia thing. Apparently, fear of water is a legitimate symptom of rabies. Who knew?

And just what is up with this scene?



I'd say I Drink Your Blood is worth seeing, if only for super-cute Lynn Lowry in her first film role. Her mute character doesn't have much to do, but does at least get to have some fun with an electric knife before inexplicably disappearing from the film completely.


Really though, it is the little kid Pete (Riley Mills) who owns this movie. Never mind the fact he’s the one who cooks up the whole rabies-in-the-meat-pies plan in the first place, he’s just always got a “Gee Grampaw” response for everything.

What could possibly go wrong?

I think my only major disappointment with I Drink Your Blood was that the shot from the aforementioned coverbox wasn't in the movie. I was subconsciously awaiting that bit the entire time and then... what the deuce?! I couldn't help but feel a little robbed. But I think I'll live.

Don't Kill The Messenger 86

Okay, it's time for the first DKTM of 2011. Here's what I've got for you today.

F13, Final Girl Style.

There's a cool thing currently going on over at Final Girl. Stacie has decided to illustrate, in her own inimitable style, every death in the Friday the 13th series. Here's a sample showing one of Jason's more memorable kills.


She has been showcasing them one movie at a time, so click on the links for her renditions of Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3.

Monster Brains.

The Vicar of VHS put me onto this great site called Monster Brains. It is a site that focuses mainly on genre art and is brimming with movie posters, illustrations and all sorts of cool stuff. The specific post that got me hooked was this one, featuring vintage posters. Here are a few of my faves below.


Check out the marvellous Monster Brains out for yourself, by clicking here.

Indie Print.

I have talked before about the film I worked on a few years ago. My friend Darryl Shaw's Android Re-Enactment has finally emerged from its lengthy post-production process and is now ready to be unleashed on the world. Recently, it has enjoyed a good amount of coverage. Todd Brown was kind enough to feature the trailer on Twitch and due to its significant influence online, the trailer soon feathered out via links, to other popular sites like io9 and Quiet Earth. Now, the story of Android is now in print. The Toronto Star just did a story on local indie film productions and Android was featured. See below for a scan of the article. I'm afraid the print is pretty small, so click here for a transcript.


Yesiree, exciting times.

Xmas Leftovers

It's a little slow around here this week, so I thought I'd talk about what my good buddy Schwartz has been up to. He recently drove down to Los Angeles with his wife for a few months and has been taking in the ample sights and sounds. This was not his first visit to Lalaland, and he's always telling me about all the cool screenings that happen down there. There are several theatres that play vintage horror flicks and since a good deal of the filmmakers live in the area, a lot of them show up. That's not to say Toronto doesn't have its share of special guests as well, but LA is LA, right?

Anyway, during the holidays Schwartz checked out a screening of Christmas Evil at the New Beverly Cinema with writer/director Lewis Jackson in attendance. Schwartz transcribed the Q&A over at his blog Cartoon and Horror. Though I cannot condone my friend's statement that Christmas Evil is superior to Bob Clark's Black Christmas, I am certainly envious of him being able to go to this.


At the Q&A, Jackson maintained that he came up with the idea for Christmas Evil in 1970, after smoking a joint and having a vision of Santa with a knife in his hand. For a long time, Jackson blamed the film for ruining his career. Even though the movie played for eight years on New York's infamous 42nd Street, Christmas Evil got him blacklisted for the movie's unpopular representation of Santa Claus. Although, due to its becoming a cult classic - the film's most notable supporter being director Jon Waters who proclaims Christmas Evil is the greatest Christmas movie ever made - Jackson has had his career revived in recent years and is currently working on a sci-fi project.

For Cartoon and Horror's full coverage of the event, click here.

2011 Preview

Okay, a brand new year has started and with it comes an upcoming crop of genre titles. Looking ahead, I see there are quite a few I'll probably check out, but here below, in no particular order, are the ones I'm most excited about. Click on the titles for more info.

We Are What We Are (TBD)
This Mexican effort has been on my most anticipated list for quite some time, as I'm still pissed I had to miss it at Fantasia last year. I've heard nothing but good things, the best praise being that this film does for cannibals what Let The Right One In did for vampires.

Dream Home (TBD)
This Hong Kong horror is another one I missed at Fantasia. I've heard it to be chock full of chills and shocking violence, which sounds right up my street.

Red State (TBD)
I saw the trailer for this recently and I have to say that it does not look like a Kevin Smith movie. However, after Cop Out, that might not be such a bad thing. As its release draws nearer, I find myself more and more curious to see how he handles the horror genre.



The Dibbuk Box (Oct 28th)
This ghost story based on an actual event, involving an object sold on Ebay a few years ago does intrigue me. This is Ole Bornedal's next picture after 2009's small town stunner Deliver Us From Evil. Couple that with Ghost House's watchful eye and I have high hopes.

Super 8 (Jun 10th)
Due to Amblin Entertainment's involvement, some people seem to think this might be something as significant as E.T. or Gremlins. My hopes are not as impossibly high. I'd be happy with something in the range of Cloverfield.


The Thing (Oct 14th)
A straight remake would've have been something I had no time for. However, a prequel I can deal with, especially when you populate the cast with authentic Norwegian actors and breath of fresh air Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

I heart her.

There are also the inevitable slew of sequels and remakes on the way this year. Here are a few that will be plausibly positive.

Silent Hill 2 (TBD)
Being one of the few who actually liked Christophe Gans' 2006 adaptation of the video game, I shall at least give this one a look. Director Michael J. Bassett at least has a good track record, with previous genre films Wilderness and Deathwatch.

Paranormal Activity 3 (Oct 21st)
Sure, why not? I enjoyed the first two flicks, so why not support it until it gets stale.

Scream 4 (Apr 15th)
Meh, might as well check this out even if it does seem unnecessary. The trailer at least looks promising and it doesn't appear that the story hinges on something lame like Sidney turning out to be the killer.





Piranha 3DD (August)
I didn't actually know this was happening until I was compiling this list. With Alex Aja's absence though, I find it hard to believe they can up the ante on the gore and nudity. That's what got butts in the seats in 2010, not the limp 3D.

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (TBD)
This redo of the 1973 TV movie is produced by Guillermo del Toro. He has an impeccable record when it comes to ushering in new talent, and anyone who saw director Troy Nixey's Latchkey's Lament knows these two should go together like peanut butter and jam.



Fright Night (Aug 19th)
I had no interest in this, until the cast was announced. Colin Farrell as Jerry Dandrige, David "Dr. Who" Tennant as Peter Vincent and Chris Mintz-Plasse as Evil Ed? Throw in the striking Imogen Poots as the love interest and you have my attention.

Hellraiser (TBD)
Ugh, I actually don't know why I even put this on here. Unless the trailer wows me, I will never see this thing. That image of the new Pinhead was a fucking joke. Like seriously, are you fucking kidding me?

These last three are flicks that I have been endlessly waiting for.

The Reef
There's still no release date of Andrew Traucki's newest aquatic horror. Presumably, it is still doing the festival circuit, so maybe it will show up in Montreal come July.





Bio Slime aka Contagion
I'm sure you are tired of me asking about what is going on with this flick. Believe me, I'm sick of asking. Release the damn thing already!

Amer
This currently sits atop my most wanted list right now. I'm actually starting to get angry that this film has still not played on a screen in Canada. This looks like it was made for me, and the cinema Gods are still withholding for some reason.




It looks like it's going to be a busy year of dark rooms with sticky floors and I, for one, wouldn't want it any other way.