Horror Movie Guide: Bloodsuckers

The next title in the Guide was 1971's Bloodsuckers aka Incense For The Damned. This was a title that I had no knowledge of - not even the coverbox rang any bells - but it did have some prestige talent involved with the likes of Peter Cushing and Patrick Macnee so I was cautiously optimistic?

To avoid scandal, colleagues of an Oxford student Richard (Pat Mower) travel to Greece where he has apparently fallen in with a weird hippie cult.

Unfortunately, Bloodsuckers was a bit of a slog and definitely reeked of something that had issues behind the scenes. Imdb mentions money problems and re-shoots and that tracks. When your first act consists largely of voiceover narration - basically just explaining what happens in the following scene I might add - it sadly shows how much confidence the filmmakers have in their product. I guess it makes sense that director Robert Hartford-Davis wanted his name taken off the project.

Sadly, that prestige I mentioned hardly matters, as Cushing was likely on set for no more than two days. MacNee has decidedly more to do, going full John Steed bad-ass for a bit before getting knocked off a cliff by some ridiculously fake looking boulders. What were left with is this weird pent-rangle between Richard, his friend Tony (Alex Davion), his pupil (lover?) Bob (Johnny Sekka), his betrothed Penelope (Madeleine Hinde) and his vampire dominatrix Chriseis (Imogen Hassall). I know, it's a lot to take in, but trust me; it sounds a lot more interesting than it actually is.

This is not what it looks like, I assure you...

Apart from the lazy narration, it didn't start out all that bad. While we see our heroes travel to the beautiful locale of Greece, Richard & Chriseis drop some acid and a six-minute psychedelic orgy ensued. As Kevin Nealon used to say, “I was interested.... interested... VERY interested...”

I was beginning to think that Bloodsuckers might be a soft porn that they tricked Cushing into appearing in, but then it was over and it became clear this was likely added after when the filmmakers realized most of their movie was dull as dirt. This would have been around the time of the hysteria surrounding hippie culture so I can see why those scenes got played up, as well.

Also, for a movie called Bloodsuckers - though admittedly that was one of many titles - it has a noticeable lack of vampirism. I appreciated the angle of sado-masochism and its relation to male impotence explained in a scene with a welcome appearance by Edward Woodward, but I also would have liked a little more Rollin if you know what I mean. Hassall was a unique beauty (who sadly died young) and I would've liked to seen her do more in this than just die from a 10-foot fall off some steps. I COULD'VE SURVIVED THAT!

Imogen Hassall as Chrisies in Bloodsuckers

Then to my disdain, after this movie should be done, it goes on for another TWENTY MINUTES. Oh well, at least its final moments are more like the vampire story it is purported to be. The Guide seemed to hold it in higher regard. Perhaps they were familiar with the source material - a old tome called Doctors Wear Scarlet.

Horror Movie Guide: And Now The Screaming Starts.

The next movie in the Guide was 1973's And Now The Screaming Starts. Now again, like the aforementioned Abbott & Costello movies, I wasn't a big Hammer or Amicus watcher as a kid. My childhood was filled with bloody slashers and animal attack films so these British imports appeared tame by comparison. My only exposure to Amicus before the age of ten was those dope Dr. Who movies. However, after seeing their Tales From The Crypt anthology, I began to appreciate what they had to offer.

Young bride Catherine (Stephanie Beacham) becomes embroiled in a family curse once moving into her husband's (Ian Ogilvy) estate.

And Now The Screaming Starts was watchable fare. It has this strange air that makes it appear tame on the surface, but then throws in all these disturbing elements. Do all Amicus pictures have this much rape in them?  I liked all of the ghoulish imagery and I can imagine that eyeless dude messing up a lot of kids back in the day. And for '73, those crawling hand effects were pretty awesome, too. I also have to give it up for the sets, which Imdb tells was the often utilized Oakley Court.

Peter Cushing and Stephanie Beacham in And Now The Screaming Starts

From my limited knowledge of Amicus, their bread and butter was anthologies and their features, in contrast to Hammer, tended to have more modern settings so ANTSS would appear to be an outlier. I do admit to having watched this in two sittings, as it does crawl along at some points. Cushing doesn't even appear until the third act, at which point I thought, “Oh yeah, I forgot he was in this!” Beacham is solid as the distressed bride. Fresh off her role in 1972 Dracula A.D. (which I just recently saw at Horror-Rama) she is literally busting out of her costume. Again, why didn't watch these movies as a kid?

The Guide didn't seem to think this was anything special - good cast; tired plot. I can get on board with that, only adding that the visuals stand out, as well.

So would I have watched this if it wasn't on a checklist? Probably not. But, that's what lists are for. I imagine this won't be last. Like the next film for instance, the 1940 Boris Karloff starrer The Ape.

Bedlam Indeed!

This week's VHS is Vadim Jean's 1994 Brit horror Nightscare aka Beyond Bedlam.

When scientist Dr. Lyell (Elizabeth Hurley) decides to test an experimental mind-altering drug on dangerous convict Gilmour (Keith Allen), strange suicides begin happening around her. Are they connected?

Nightscare is a hot mess. I guess I should have been alerted to what I was in for by the preceding trio of trailers – LL Cool J as a gangster DJ in Out of Sync, a Predator rip-off called Mutant Species, and Lorenzo Lamas actioner-of-the-month Blood for Blood.

Beyond Bedlam is a good alternate title because at least sixty percent of this movie is just nonsense. I feel like there may have been a script for the first half and then the rest was random ideas written on discarded napkins and those papers they use to wrap fish & chips. I think the premise was that the drug allows you enter people's dreams ala Freddy, but after a while it just seemed like Gilmour could bend reality willy-nilly. 

Craig Fairbrass & Elizabeth Hurley in Nightscare.

Allen is definitely going for a discount version Hannibal Lecter in this. Fairly insipid, but at least not as grating as some nineties B-movie psychos. As you would expect (save for the guy on fire falling out a window at the hop), Hurley is the most palatable thing about this movie. I sadly thought she looked a little awkward at times though. Not I'm-twenty-seven-and-playing-a-brilliant-neurologist kind of awkward, but more physically awkward. It wasn't until halfway through I noticed that she had these massive heels on for no reason. There were some scenes where she was literally hobbling.

Sad, I would've thought she'd paid her dues by then, as this definitely seemed like a step back from Passenger 57. That said, I have no explanation as to why she completely forgot how to fire a gun.

Or maybe that was the point? Imdb actually tags this movie as Comedy Horror so maybe they know something I don't. I mean, it's funny because it's ridiculous, but is it intentional? A movie with the tagline, “Psychological terror beyond your wildest nightmares” hardly sounds like the moniker of a yuk-fest, does it? There's also the issue of that ten-minute stretch where Jean throws in some attempted rape, incest and abortion, not really for shock value I wager, more just to pad the running time. And speaking of running time... Why so many shots of people going down hallways. So. Many. Hallways. 

In conclusion, Imdb also told me that Jean was later an AD on Event Horizon, which tracks. I feel like that was what he was going for with Nightscare, but had neither the chops or the budget to realize it. Oh well, onto the next tape!

R is for The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here (1972)

This was one that's title was infamous and I just happened to have the Midnight Video VHS in my collection. It's been gathering dust since I acquired it many years ago at a Rue Morgue flea market. So now seemed an appropriate time to check it out.

Diana (Jackie Skarvellis) brings her new husband home to her family estate with the intent of putting an end to an ancient curse that has plagued them for generations.

WHAT EVEN IS THIS?! I was immediately confounded by what I was watching. It was kind of like a play because everyone was orating as if they were trying to reach the cheap seats... or more likely the production's one mic. It was like Coronation Street, but with curses and werewolves. Really. Shitty. Werewolves. 

I took a gamble on this one and I lost my puffy sleeved shirt. Everything about The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here! feels cobbled together. If I had done my research on the director Andy Milligan, I would have known this was his MO. This movie (the original version of it anyway) was shot back-to-back with three of his other pictures and the producer had to step in and add the rats in reshoots to pad out the running time. 

Yep, that about sums it up.

Yeah those rats Came alright! And then got immediately returned to the store. I'm told that the rat storyline was added to capitalize on the success of Willard. Though I could've guessed that when one of the characters literally named the rats Ben and Willard. Subtle, guys. Regardless, this movie needed more rats and less, well, whatever this was. A family of werewolves named the Moonies? Jesus wept. 

This would have been the perfect movie to snooze through, but my brain was fascinated by the proceedings. Every actor was giving it their all, from Hope Stansbury doing her best Spiderbaby impression to Milligan himself doing double duty as a rat merchant and gunsmith. No one eats up the clock quite like he does. This movie was inept, yet somehow methodical. 

The Rats are Coming... is unquantifiable trash, and yet still more engaging than Open House.

Horror-Rama 2022!

Horror-Rama was back this year and I had an absolute blast. You never know how these events are gonna go in these uncertain times, but the turnout was great and people looked thrilled to be mingling again. On the Friday night, there was an extra special 40th anniversary screening of a film you know is very near and dear to my heart.

This was the very same Deadly Eyes print that used to play at Trash Palace back in the day. It has changed hands, but it still looks as hairy as ever. However, THIS time I was tapped to moderate the Q&A with special guests Lisa Langlois and Lesleh Donaldson. I'd never done one before, but confidence in the fact I knew the movie inside and out helped combat the nerves.

It went really well. I was amazed and excited that so many in attendance hadn't seen it. I thought that with the Shout Factory Blu-ray, it might have got more eyeballs on it, but I've come to find that was only a small run and now out-of-print. 

For the Q&A, because it was a two-reel, one-projector affair, we did it in three parts - intro, intermission and audience questions at the end. We talked about how they both came to work on the film, the various Toronto locations and just how God damn cold it was that winter.

Lisa Langlois, Lesleh Donaldsen and some schmo.

 

Someone brought up the Imdb trivia (that I'm currently trying to get removed) about a dog suffocating in his rat suit. I'd been preparing for this eventuality and we all had a lengthy discussion about it. I believe it untrue for not only the fact that the dogs were trained for months in LA to wear the rat suits, the headpieces had the jaws cut out of them. Tell me how a dog suffocates when its mouth isn't covered...

Lisa has said on several occasions that someone on the crew told her a dog had a heart attack from the anxiety of wearing the suit, but others state the opposite. If you listen to Al Apone (the FX supervisor for the suits on set) on the Blu-ray supplemental, he maintains that apart from one dog getting hospitalized from something it ate at the kennel they were being kept, no harm came to any of them. I also contacted the film's production manager (whom I met many years ago at TIFF and also worked on The Brain) and he corroborated this story.

But anyway, the night was awesome and it was just the first day of three! Saturday, I was basically there the entire day. There was a bunch of great Q&A's and I got to see people I hadn't seen in ages like Stacey from the OG Trash Palace, Brad from Poster-Mortem and Chris from Little Ghosts.

The Q&A with Thom Matthews was great and thankfully went beyond just his work on Friday 6 and ROTLD. There were actually multiple questions about his many films with Albert Pyun and how his contracting business led him to renovate Ozzy Osbourne's house, much of it while there were shooting their reality show.

Thom Matthews

The big get was Caroline Munro, who was absolutely lovely, an English rose of the highest order. Super humble and eager to talk about her experiences working with likes of Christopher Lee, Roger Moore and Joe Spinnell. Both her Q&A and screening event at the end of the day were fantastic fun.

Throw in the Adventures in Canadian Cinema with Langlois, Donaldsen, Lynne Griffin and Sean Sullivan and you have yourself some CanCon overload. I also got to catch up with Kier-La Janisse who was in town for the event. 

Lesleh Donaldson, Sean Sullivan, Lynne Griffin & Lisa Langlois

In terms of loot, it is true that was wallet was rendered significantly lighter come Monday. Not only did I get my hands on Vinegar Syndrome's Thriller release (which had eluded me at Fantasia), but also this random Beta tape.

I mean it was in such good condition, I couldn't let the fact I don't have a player stop me. I also got a Deadly Eyes long print from the only one of TP's four screenings that I missed, as well as a piece of art I first saw online many years ago and always wanted to own.

It really was a terrific weekend and totally worth battling the horrendous traffic both days. Congrats to Chris, Ali & Luis for putting on such a great show.

Gifrific: Mood

Source: The Woman in Black (1989)

Gifrific: Little Drummer Hare

Source: Caveat (2020)

Short of the Week: Bill

About this time last year, I posted about a short film from the UK filmmaking duo of Dan Gitsham and Sophie Mair. Now, here is their latest short entitled Bill. Enjoy!

Some top notch economy in that film. Bill just premiered on the short film platform Film Shortage so be sure to check that out, as well.

Movies I've Rented From Eyesore #1

While I replenish my VHS queue, I'm going to start up this new segment. For those not aware, Eyesore Cinema is one of the last video stores left in Toronto. It opened down the street from the wreckage of the old Suspect Video about twelve years and has since north to Bloor St. It now also has a backroom for screenings that Little Terrors relocated a while back. But enough with the history lesson, here we go.

After seeing Richard Stanley's recent recommendations video I was reminded of a film called The Blood on Satan's Claw from 1970. The title has been in my brain since childhood when I read about it in the first video guide I ever owned.

The editors of Video Times Magazine saw fit to give Piers Haggard's period horror piece three-out-of-four stars. Reading this book as a pre-teen I distinctly recall how it mentioned it was also known as Satan's Claw and Satan's Skin, teaching me that movies could have multiple titles.

Anyhoo, I'm inclined to agree with the book in that this was some pretty evocative gothic horror. I guess this falls toward the end of when the Brits were fucking owning this genre. Everything about this felt incredibly authentic, even if the effects were fairly rudimentary. 

Haggard did a solid job of balancing all the tropes one associates with this era. Some of it could've even been rather horrifying, but growing up in an English household, I can't hear an angry mob yell “Witch!” without thinking of Monty Python.

Being set in a small village, the cast was rather large and both leading ladies (Linda Hayden & Wendy Padbury) absolutely lit up the screen as totems of “evil” and “good” respectively. I also have to mention the theme by Mark Wilkinson, as it has become one of new favourite instrumentals.

Linda Hayden (left) & Wendy Padbury in The Blood on Satan's Claw.

After watching Satan's Claw, I came away with two questions. First, how the hell did any women live through this era, and why were dudes so terrible at saving damsels in distress? Like, what the fuck Ralph? How were you just running through the countryside for five minutes while Zoe from Doctor Who was getting slaughtered? Weak sauce.

I'm glad I waited thirty-five years to finally see this, as I don't think I would have appreciated it nearly as much as I did now.

Short of the Week #75: Belial's Dream

Here's the 2017 short Belial's Dream from the incomparable Robert Morgan that up until now was only available on the Arrow Blu-ray release of Frank Henenlotter's Basket Case.

Yep, surreal and nightmarish as per usual! Morgan's partnership with Arrow appears to be ongoing as he most recently created a short film for the Blu-ray release of Jörg Buttgereit's Schramm entitled Tomorrow I Will Be Dirt.

Shock Stock 2019!

It's that time of year again where I travel down the 401 to London to take in the greasy sights and sounds of Shock Stock. Despite being up into the wee hours the night before due to a late Endgame screening, I still managed to get to the Ramada at a decent hour to meet up with Schwartz.

It was great as always to catch up with some old friends and people I seem to just see at these types of events like the Witch Finger Podcast gals and the dudes from Poster-Mortem and the CCHCC. It did not take me too long to burn through my allocated cash, mostly on the items below.

As always Shock Stock brought in some really cool guests, which included the likes of Tim Cappello - who performed live on Saturday night - and Kelli Maroney (Chopping Mall, Night of the Comet).

Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp) & Kelli Maroney (Chopping Mall)

The biggest draw was the Shock Stock Drive-In hosted by the legend himself, Joe Bob Briggs in his first event in Canada. This was a treat as we watched him intro the 1974 film The Mutations (on 16mm!) starring Donald Pleasance and Tom Baker.

Joe Bob Briggs introduces The Mutations on 16mm.

It was super fun and he did a lengthy Q&A afterwards where he talked about the history of freaks in film, Pioneertown and his new gig at Shudder. When asked what his favourite Canadian horror film was, he answered “Hello Mary Lou, Prom Night II.”

As for the rest, well... I'll adopt the old adage and say what happens at Shock Stock, stays at Shock Stock. The community is already abuzz with what will happen next year for the almighty tenth edition.

Short of the Week #63: Ella

It was recently brought to my attention that a short I saw waaaay back in 2011 at the now defunct Worldwide Shorts Festival is now online via Alter. Check out Dan Gitsham's Ella starring Anthony Head below.

I dig this short and its unique take on Red Riding Hood. Gitsham must have had a crystal ball because he beat the whole “people in animal masks” trend by at least a year. He recently returned to short filmmaking last year with And The Baby Screamed.

Auld Lang Zzzzzzz

To usher in 2019, I watched my VHS of Norman J. Warren's 1987 holiday horror Bloody New Year.

When a group of teens get stranded on a island, they realize they may not be alone.

Yeah, there's no way around it, Bloody New Year was a fucking dud. I was expecting a run-of-the-mill slasher in the vein of New's Year Evil, but this movie had more in common with The Shining or Evil Dead, with one-thousandth the entertainment value.

Perhaps the paramount issue was that this movie made no fucking sense. It's like the trio of writers – really, it took three of you to come up with this? – all had separate ideas and couldn't decide which one to go with so they haphazardly shoe-horned in each one. I'm all for keeping the viewer confounded, but it has to eventually go somewhere interesting. This did not.

Additionally, Bloody New Year actually took place in July, so its connection to the holiday was dubious at best. At a few points there was mention of a crashed experimental plane caused the ensuing shenanigans, but this random sci-fi element didn't explain the lion's share of what went on.

You look just like I feel.

I really can't overstate how muddled this movie was, as it had weird creatures, zombies, ghosts and even one scene where one couple were chased by “laughter”. I shit you not. It also didn't help that the characters were mainly a bunch of insipid idiots that I couldn't wait to get offed.

Bloody New Year was frankly, a chore to get through. I was looking through Warrren's other movies and it seems I may have picked the wrong title, as Prey, Horror Planet and Spaced Out all sound like more appealing watches than this boring yule log.

Ten Little Santas

In the spirit of the season, I watched my VHS of Edmond Purdom's 1984 UK slasher Don't Open Till Christmas.

A killer targeting men dressed as Santa terrorizes London during the holiday season.

Damn this movie packs a lot into its eighty-six minutes. Being from across the pond, it is less known than some of the more infamous Xmas slashers like Silent Night, Deadly Night and Christmas Evil, but I feel this one just has as much to offer. As a movie, it's a schizophrenic mess that hops from protagonist to protagonist like an advent calendar, but if murder set pieces and high body counts are your game, then this one is for you.

Something that struck me right away was how similar the opening sequence was to the original Friday the 13th. If you were to put them side-by-side, I bet the beats line-up almost exactly. I wonder if it was intentional, or by 1984 just a by-product of an over-saturated subgenre. I was also reminded of Juan Simón's Pieces, as these two – in addition to sharing star Purdom – have like-minded structures and endings. While no one got their junk squeezed in the final frames, Don't Open ended just as abruptly. I will say that Purdom's picture was much more outwardly dour and nihilistic though.

Director & Star Edmond Purdom in Don't Open Till Xmas.

This slasher REALLY hated Santa Claus, as a whopping ten were dispatched in all manner of gruesome ways in this. You may wonder how they could pack that many into ninety minutes and still have some semblance of story. Well, the answer is... it doesn't, a coherent one anyway. Don't Open sure got access to a lot of cool locations though and they made the most of them, my favourite being The London Dungeon – probably within a year of when I'd have been there! Lastly, and perhaps most head scratching was the random cameo from Caroline Munro, as herself.

Don't Open was far from perfect, but I have to admire the effort to cram in as many beloved genre elements into one movie as possible. I imagine a lot of this was unintentional – rumour has it there were as many as four directors used and extensive reshoots – but the result still kept me more than entertained. By the end, I was just left to exclaim, “man, these guys just don't give a FUUUUCK!”